“REMNANTS OF MY DREAMS: Banned Poems”

BY CAROLINE SULLIVAN LAND

THIS BOOK IS DEDICATED TO

MY HUSBAND, THEODORE CHRISTOPHER LAND,

MY GRANDMOTHER CAROLYN KAY FUGLAAR GEEN, and

MY FATHER, WRIGHT SULLIVAN, and

MY GRANDMOTHER MARY LANE SULLIVAN;

 WITH LOVE.

“Haikus”

In dense dewy evenings

We sit on the grass

Love is not a question anymore.//

Long ago was a boy

With ivy in his hair

And a wish in his heart.//

Starlight in march evening.

Wind startles the rose.

Lo! A first daffodil!//

Dense flakes of snow

On my lover’s forehead,

When will we have a child, love?//

Green lily pond,

I wait for you

To thaw.//

Snow Peas, climb up

Through the reaches

 of sky.

Humble were you born

At the mud and ginger-root’s foot.//

Chicken Stock In Cans,

Cabbage, Carrots, Corn,

And fresh herbs for soup.//

Before winter comes

Cuckoo will sing

And rain joy on earth.//

God of mountain,

Watch me as I pass

Through your hills.//

Storm-cloud-mountain,

Angry as the bee

Silent as eternal being,

Deathless.//

Deep river why

Do you call me

To fall into your depths?//

Just how much

Water

Is there?//

Small fish I caught,

Under the willow,

You go in peace.//

I didn’t know I was pretty to

Anyone but you….//

Snow Pea-pods

I wear a camellia

In my wavy brown hair.//

Bristles the fine cloth

I breathe

Listlessly.//

Dying—

--We never die—

--Some wounds never heal--//

Die for me—

Take me home—

Where does it all end?//

The Iris are dead.

Kiss me.

Taxi cab into the country,

Seventy-five dollars,

Thirty-five miles.

Marry Me Theodore.//

Falling from the sky,

Cherry petals from the

Mountains//

Into the valets

Resting on river stones

Where an ice-spring seeps//

Through the cold

Steep mountain rock ice

Fern moss land of

Shadows.

Winter covers its head

I slip out into

The newly-born grasses.//

Old tree

How many years you pass

The calling of the crow?//

Our leaves fall

Same wind, air,

Sky is clearer.//

When your time comes

Slip out the back door

Under the cricket-lights.//

Time passes like water,

Cherry petals Fall

On my weeping cheeks.//

Water passes slow,

Time is a mushroom

Nibbling gently the grass.//

You watch—and if they don’t

Come up, write to me,

I will send roses.//

The Rainbow is the prophecy of God,

All things

Take place in order to that comeliness.//

Pearls are long in the making

The bonsai weeps

Each day of its life,//

My hair is softer than anything,

Come, rest with me

Under green boughs//

Mine eyes are gentle

Gentle is the rain

Weary are the footpaths of the Pilgrim

But he carries blessedness in his heart.//

Pilgrim, will you come

We make dinner

Under the yew-trees./

Unabashed, we worship

God, hear

The dew is on the oak leaves

Yet it is not autumn but first spring.//

The rain falls

Good and bad

All are at peace.//

The Father Is

The Holy One.

Oh, Earth, Praise Him!//

He Has Given Us Children

And light—and----

Oh, Father, forgive my trespasses.//

Oh earth-mother,

Sky mother

You are holy.//

Come sing to us

For you are fragile as a dove—

We are sad, poor and alone---

Mother, bring us hope.//

Theodore is afraid

And he doesn’t want to admit it.

Can’t admit it—cause

If he did he’d probably break

Down and cry and be broken.

I am also broken by the

Pain of family loss, hopelessness,

Fear, disease, Even death…

Like sands of the Sahare

The world breaks my heart

Most of the time.

Come, my husband.

We are old, have been old

Since first we met—

--old, true and wise—

Let earth-mother sing to

Her child forever.

I have, after all, always asked

God to make me a hero—

I just pray I don’t have to die.//

Last leaves

Of a twinkling star,

Will you pray for me?//

Lost to man

Are the songs

God sang

When he made

The world.

Only the word

Remains.

So much is lost

In the past.

“Morning—a Series”

“This Morning”

I.

Morning falls

Swiftly, softly, slowly

Morning smiles wirh evening

In its heart

Morning loves

And lives

Birds

They come up,

Come up,

Eat seeds

In the morning.

Morning dreams

Shines, shines, shines,

Dreams with all the

Sunshine

In its heart.

Morning is an Art!//

II.

Morning

Love looketh on pines

Love dareth the sky

Eatin peach trees for dinner

An lookin at the sky.

Morning so fine

Will you be mine?//

III. Morning

Raspberries

I hold your hand

Again

Once more this time

And all along now we

Was singing

Grasshopper in tall tree

Singing all night away.

Blueberries

Butterflies

Break my heart

Gentle lover

The grass so sweet

And beams

Of light.

Morning comes, as I

Come into

Consciousness

With delight.//

IV.

Morning sunflower,

Will you take my Tunic?

All along, see,

I knew it was you—

And then it rose up again,

Trembling, shaking, dawn’s

Light,

Colors on a velvet black

Living night,

And takes

To the air

(after it’s born--)

In solemn flight.

V.

This morning dying

Ain’t never gonna come

To the living

And all I Know to be true

Doesn’t add up

To a thing—

--but also,

And I say this with

Due regret--

The grass is wet

With dew

The sun so pale

Is new

The birds

In solemn flight

And the herbs—

All earthly delight./

VI.

Should you come,

This morning,

Take a seashell

In your hand, in your

Heart, in your

Eyes,

And take me with you

Into the light

For dim are my eyes

In this dimming sea room.

Dimming light dawns

Into

Afternoon.

VII.

Morning on a cold day

Is like yellow and blue,

And grey.

Today it’s hot.

I wait for my husband

To come into awakening

With this morning’s

Light.

Morning is an Art.//

VIII.

And all I knew was,

Morning brought my

Despair,

And all I didn’t know

I wanted to understand

Like the rivers

That run

So slow

Intimidating

Or the moon

On a milk white night

Bird takes

To solemn flight.

IV.

Morning ain’t hurried

Morning ain’t slow

Morning ain’t laughing

Morning like snow.

X.

Morning came softly

With dawn

I brought a fish

To the sidewalk

To the shore

Of my rivers.

Many slow rivers

An it was so damn kind

That pretty much

Being all that

I had to say.

Xi.

Morning looketh to

Love.

XII.

Arise my love

Awaken

Our hearts are pure

And from a distance

I watch ships sail

In the sky

With a keen, keen

Eye

That is

Slow

To anger.//

“Surf”

--- …And so, I went

Walking among the windy

Surf among the salty sands

-among tenacious sea-roses

At quite literally the brink

Of the world,  it was

A may day, I was in a

Blue linen man’s shirt

And white cotton skirt

Trailing behind me

Blowing in the wind.

I was on my way

Home to my cottage

By the Sea,

Brave white stuccoed

Cottage

Brave white

Shells

Untainted

Island! 

I believe

That there are still islands

Like these…

Take a shell and hold it

In the clenching palm

Of your hand

Make something from the

Sea-clay

The bleached

Driftwood so noble

The

Great breakers

A purring

Cat

Old

And

A simmering pot of

 Soup bouling on the  stove.

Sea leaves are sea

Foam

Are memaids

Last pain before the

Ends of time.

Fall to your knees,

Worship the most

High God who is King

And don’t swim

It isn’t safe.////

“A rational love song”

Chris said that my poetry was good.

Be still, love, still my beating heart

I am counting the light years from

You to me

And that I could never break your heart even

You—the thought of you so far away

Remote

Love Me—

Our fingers unentwine slowly and

Hover together, freefalling into

Nothingness

Until I hear you at the door

Leaving me longing with a

Smile Yet I know

I know

I know

I know, you’ll always be true

To me, if only in your

 heart!

See, our fingers are entwined across

The interstate’s light-shift veins,

Through dark and cold and

A woman you don’t-know’s-smile,

And I am safe here with my

Coffee waiting for your

Footfall

At the door of

Our little home.

We have something that belongs to

Only you and me, we have built

Ourselves a world, and there are

Stars in our eyes.

Look away, Look away,

Love, don’t look anywhere but in your

Own little heart.

I.When I look into my hearts I see

Words foremost

Soft meanings I must needs utter

There in the silence

Do you love these words?

I am telling you a story

With lithe entwining fingers

Like celtic knots.

II. Perhaps when I have made sense

Of what I want to say I will

Accede to another vision.

It’s the vision that wants to shine

Through

Let me be a suncatcher and you can

Be my Dreamcatcher,

Father, La Luz, the light