, most likely,

Or reluctantly.

When it Comes To Us,

The Sound Of A Million Million Man

Army, The Shuffling

Of Arms! The Raising of Swords!

Banners! The

War Afar, The War, is the

Ways it is to be fought—

It being a call to war,

The peasant, I, hears

These things,

They stir up vague old sentiments,

Old longings;

Suddenly I see a great shocking

Future of merciless War, and that

Of a Great future Vast—

Yet, knowing these things to be illusions,

Or, at least,

Impossible,

Content thus with daily joys

Of the well-kept household,

The peasant me feels

Comfort in the

Wooden Spoon, Or

The Volume

Of Poetry By The Bed----

And Heeds

Not

This Wild Orchestra.

The Plain and Short of It Is This,

There is Wisdom in my heart,

And wisdom warns me to

Ignore, ignore,ignore.

To maintain a skeptical eye—

Nay!

To stay away from

--lest I too, should become

Enfolded unawares into the fierce

Kneading of that Brew.

I turn it Off,

Sensing Danger,

Something wrong---

And the Peace

Of the day, The Night,

The sun, the moon,

The changing seasons;

--gives me joy, and

I feel

Once again

Utterly

Safe and

Free.////

Moving On---

“On Life Together”

 October 12, 2010

Theodore lies on his side,

All night his arms Have Been Around me,

Or His Arm Resting On my Side,--as

We have been together a long time.

Theodore, is Stubborn.

And he is Kind.

He Is A Genteel

Southern Boy.

And

I would Be Loth

To Ever Find Another! Lo.

Theodore is

The which I am unable to replace,

The husband to my dreams all,

All, of my very very dearest dreams….

I pray deeply to be Married

As soon as Possible, and thereby,

To secure my future

In our love

In building

Dreams

With Him.

I want to live my life with Theodore,

I want us

To together find, build, follow our dreams.

All of Our Dreams, His And Mine, in my life;

I am full of dreams, though they be all

--All, ever-so-far-away from

Right now yet still I would like to share

 all and every bit of my

heart, my Life, With Thee,

Amen.////

“Mornings”

The Birds

And my Cat, Ludwig

Are all

I need to talk to

And they are my best

Joy

When I awaken

Each morning;

And

They are

Sweetest,

And they are

My little ones, my

Children,

And father is Busy

Right now, yet we

Look Forward to the Times

When He Will Take Us Up

Once more

In gentle arms, and

Talk with us.

The birds are so dear to us!

No, I would not change my life.

The future—can wait

The dream is not progress

The dream is building a home

For those I love

More dearly than

Ever.

I am very wise now,

And I feel,

That I go on with this claim that I’m

Sick

For the rest of my life if I have to.

I know what the world offers out there.

I have been rich, I have tasted the world’s

Riches;

Now, being poor, I am too weary

To work, too shy to make a difference

In the world nor make any difference,

Good or not,

I am weary and seek now to rest,

Rest, for God’s sakes—At Any Price!

I Do Not Care for the world’s Gaudy Claims,

I am not in Love with Money or Position,

Although I am a Queen in my Own World,

And Always Will Be----

Yet, I know this, or believe it to be

So—

That Money

Is not the source of happiness

That the world is as big as small

That it does not hardly matter

Whether I sit on a perfumed pillow

In Paris or a bit of Cardboard Scrap,

So long as there is food and shelter—

That all states of being are one, to me

That the worst—the only worst---thing that

Can happen—is

To die.

Life is sweet! Though one suffers or languishes!

////

“The Night We Discovered The Portrait Sign”

I can see it,

See it,

See

All of it,

Large

Block

Sign

On the highway

Billboard

Pastel stripe

Handcrafted

Extravaganza

Mailed

Photographs

To paint,

Money for

Our lives.

Lots of it, soon.////

When Theodore left today,

I wanted to cry.

It was in the way he kissed me goodbye

That I learned

He loved me as always.

It was in his solemn sober melancholy

And his dark deep eyes

That furtively glance

About his beloved, well-known home,

Our home.

It was in the way—the

Way

-that he looked at me,

That said,

“I Love You Forever.”

////

If I am alone, I am not lonely.//

“The Lost Boy”

Long Ephemeral Shores

Gauzy Breezeways

Haunted oak

Playground,

Abandoned

For

Ev

Er.////

“A Song of Glad Praise.”

Father, we lift up our voices in praise!

With all our hearts we thank thee!

Our Blessings are as innumerable as the stars!

May we bless those we can…

Bless us, Every One!

Lordm Bless us, we are tending to thee!

Bless us…with your loving presence and

That is all.  Please, I pray, I just

Don’t want to be living in fear anymore.

Jesus watcheth over this house, he forgives

All…I hope.

God, the lord, os welcome as can be here!

This be thy temple; oh this be thy

Sanctuary;

And I be…thy friend.  As is Theodore,

Bless his heart.  We are, all and every

One of us, your loving companions.

I only Pray now for husband and family,

And for me, not to live in fear…that

 is my prayer. Amen////

“Autumn Breakfast.”

Morning, Autumn day,

Late autumn;

The sky an opaque

clouds-with-blue.

The sunflowers

Huge, tall as the sky,

Above our heads,

In full bloom.

Cheerful Chaps n Ladies,

The little Parakeets!

Soft furred kittycat

Creeping about the

House

And garden,

Happily.

She has

A nest, a bed,

Under

My clother in the

Closet,

And a playground

In the bed’s

Mattress.

She is a young girl, my cat.

She is the apple of my eye.

Neighbors walk beneath

Our cheerful balcony

On the second floor.

I sit and watch the wind pass through

The leaves, murmuring as it rustles,

I sip tea, and breakfast on bread

I read poetry volumes and Monet from the libray

I Dream about portrait-work-signs and

Call loved ones and

Listen

To music

And miss my wonderful

Husband Theodore.

Oh Lord, I see!  The lord has blessed my life

As much as I could have ever wished.////

“Mother Earth”

Blessed are we

That have seeds of

Blossom and herb,

Root, and fruit,

Toi plant in the

Loamy soil of

A rooftop garden.

Blessed are his plans,

Blessed are his ways,

Blessed is prayer, song,

And praise;

Blessed—

is the  earth, which

with sun, mineral,

earth and rain,

forever brings to life

new lives, plants,

creatures large and small,

and nestles them deep

and free in her ferny

bosom.

His wife, bringing forth

Life—

To its children, the children

Of the stars, of the

Great abyss, of the

Void.

Life—a seed rests in bosomy

Earth among dim

Stars.

Tomorrow, another moon rising,

Another dawn, dusk, day,

Always and always, another

Day.

Bless The Mother Earth!

Amen.////

The ebb-tides

You see, my heart, buoyed

Far-off flags, county,

Community, belonging,

Beauty, death, people.

“A Week With Theodore and I in 2011”
--A Short Story to my husband.

I.

I wait breathless every second

Growing older, older, then—wait!

I Hear it—Far, and near, and very far---

Is it he?  Forsooth!

Lord help me, is it he?

A stranger startles the dusts of time’s sanctuary.

--No—it wasn’t Theodore.

Sunlight through panes, falling on our dim eyes.

---Is it he?---

Nothing.

Twenty minutes pass.

Cat stands poised, ears forward, silent,

Birds in Cage, don’t sing, expectant,

Good God!  What’s taking Theodore so long?

We shall starve….or…shh…..

As we, me and the little ones, wait for our prince,

Theodore,

Breathless,

The world ceases revolving.

One could hear a pin fall.

Our hearts are brimming to bursting,

I look my very best—what, what,

What’s this?

I draw my shawl about me, blue grey,

The color of my eyes,

And I come, glance halfhearted

Through the window.

It is just when you don’t expect it….I suppose………….

It is Theodore.  HE is Getting out of a car, smiling!

He is carrying a laundry basket on his shoulder, smiling, a

Shy, heart-wrenching, gentle, deep, half-smile….

My heart seizes with ecstasy I cry out, Scream!

Good God! It is Theodore!—

“Theodore! Theodore! Chris, Chris!”

I shout, as—quick, unlock the door—

And run to the balcony where Our

Sunflowers Greet Our Beloved Theodore.

I cannot breathe with joy. 

I cannot but scream his name.

I cry out his name, over and over again.

HE is With a man, they laugh,

Then Theodore is at the door!

I open the door….

The man leaves with a kind smile

And  a blessing of sorts…..

Then Theodore and I Are Alone in the house!

Amen.

II.

Then We Kiss, then go out to the balcony garden,

Then Hold eath other, God!  Then We

Set about cooking dinner.

There is skillets and pots, fried foods he cooks

Okra, fried corn, and fried chicken

(He breads it by hand) with barbecue sauce!

He cooks me dinner.

I eat gratefully as can be.  I sing,

Babble, cry, I—

Aye, such Bliss was not meant

 for we mortals on earth, surely!

We talk.

The birds chatter, joyous and beautiful and singing.

Ludwig is missing him and rubs his legs.

He lifts her up, and tickles her.

“Wife? Birds? Cat? Flowers? Home?” He Seems to say.

He checks on each one of us, we proudly

Hold our heads to the sun.

Yes, Yes, Yes, Then---

We go to the bedroom,

And he holds me, rocks me,

And we make love,

(I don’t remember)

But we make love,

And kiss deeply.

Oh, I do—

We come together desperately,

A new feeling—

Ecstasy—

Deep kisses,

God we are in love!

“Marry Me”, he breathes. “I do.”

Then we hold each otherm

Then we play video games

On our playstation2,

Then we sleep in one another’s arms.

We sleep hard, pressed against one another,

His arms around me, my cheek to his chest,

III.

The next day, he walks to the store and buys

A bottle of wine, movies and chocolate

Candy bars.

We cook a pork loin, with soup, broth,

And sugar, and many other ingredients.

There are sweet potatoes and corn.

Then there is my soup---

Theodore was sleeping, as he is now.

That morning I made a Hearty pot of

Chicken and Rice Soup from scratch.

We eat bowls of it, with sour cream.

I eat it for days, until it is all gone.

Sweet potatoes with butter,

 pork loin roast with sweet mustard glaze,

 and soup.  We drink our wine.

Then Theodore takes up my paper, and draws.

I bring out colored pencilsm oil pastels, erasers,

Pencils---He Draws very seriously, a portrait of me.

I hang it on the wall.

We had watched movies that day, evening

And as we watched we fell in love as always,

Holding hands.  I felt like a good woman

In his arms.

IV.

That night we Watched Disney’s “Prince of Persia”,

And we both loved it—we were

 the prince and princess! 

We slept….

V.

The next day, the voices that I hear in my head

that no one else can hear

---they grew together in my mind

Into a raging fever and I screamed

And cursed and threatened the cruel voices with

The cruelest threats I could imagine.

They only got worse and worse----

Then I was so ashamed.  The Voices didn’t stop.

Theodore drove his car race game and I was following

Inside in my heart

As we outran the voices

And then he held me

And then we made love.

I was too cruel to the voices,

I was afraid, and

I was Punished, for Theodore had seen.

VI.

For Two Days—The Voices droned on and on in endless

Cruelty, taunting, laughing, twisting my heart

Andmind.  I fought them off bravely.

Theodore Held Me.  We held Each Other.

I drank all his wine to numb the pain.

Theodore was very angry about that.

I was drunk, yelling at him about nothing.

Then I lay down, and he went and

Sat silently on the porch.

Then I asked, hungover, if he would

Put in a Jewel CD to soothe me,

Soon he came in and held me,

And we clung together, together.

The Voices raged for days.

My Grandmother gave me a new medication.

I took it, and….

Instantly, the “voices” went away!

Then, Peace…

Part II.

That Night, Last Night, We went walking

About the neighborhood, and laughing

 in the dark.  I wore earrings

and a little black dress and a jacket.

The police, a cop car, drove around,

And we we afraid.  We hurried back home

Upstairs to our apartment.

Then We Called in Chinese Takeout Delivery.

A beautiful Chinese girl brought the food

 to our door. I was afraid to lose Theodore,

so I dressed up and put makeup on.

  Pale lipstick, pale face, black eyes.

Sweet and Sour Chicken, Egg Rolls,

Honey Chicken, and Fried Rice. 

Fortune Cookies, and we

Ate.

Then we played wideo games.  I started

 To fall asleep as he turned off the TV,

And he came to me and lay over me.

Then I took off his clothes and we made love.

As We Made Love a terrible thunderstorm

Came, Lightning crashed and rain poured.

But We didn’t notice!

But HE had to stop when a lightening

Bolt knocked out the power.

All went Black.  I cried out,

“Oh God!  Did you lock the door?”

We couldn’t see anything!

The Power had gone out.

We looked outside, and there was

Lightening flashing, pouring down rain,

A wild wind, a thunderstorm…

Lights Flickered on just long enough for me to find

A lighter and candles.  Then it went out.

We groped for each other in the dark, lost.

“I’ll meet you on the bed,” I said.

We did.  I lit a bright candle, it filled the room with

An eerie glow.  The lightening and thunder flashed.

Theodore then lit candles all around the house.

Bathroom, living room, kitchen.

He downloaded a weather map on his cell phone

And showed me the storm.

I was frightened.  MY pills began to make me

Fall asleep and I did,

As Theodore

Played the Cello

In the candlelit living room.

The Power Came on around 4:30 AM,

And we slept in each other’s arms,

He murmured that he had played the cello

There a long time after I fell asleep.

Today is another Day…..////

THE END

Thought 1:

Lightly, we tread

The footsteps of a near-

-perfect horizon

The film, the gauze, the

Ether,

Fear—

And a rose,

Sore pain,

A thorn,

Absorption,

Soup, chicken

With rice,

Dim stars,

Wail of time

Against the oceans

Of our sanctuary.

How vast this clock

But vaster, time---

Is moving—

Fast, now slow,

Then fast, then

-blink-flash-

Darkness—

It’s Gone.

Thought 2:

Slivers of water-minnow-rivulets

Meander this way-that way down

Bare legs

Or a rose filled vase;

This is being a woman,

Who, in her warm home, feels

The distant echoes of the

Faint distant beach-strewn

Starsm and their seas,

Plunging against, lapping

Cold shores.

Oh moon,

Oh Moon!//

“A Portrait of Me:

Self-Portrait Poem.”

A young woman sits by a window and door

Opening onto a large balcony overlooking

A busy street.

She sits at a desk with a lamp in the window

And paintings, a calendar, and pens.

Paintbrushes are everywhere, and feathers,

Tiny as infant eyelashes, baby blue and zebra-

Striped, yellow and pearly white, down adrift

In the oriental carpet beneath a

Bird cage filled with dear pet birds.

She is wearing a red satin robe that resembles

A Japanese kimono, with red and plack design.

She is Twenty Four Years Old.

There is a cup of Green Tea, a mug, by her

Elbow.

She is thinking about monet, and about

Where she is at the moment.

(She is me in a suspended moment by

The grace of God, Glory be to God)

Her Kittycat is sleeping, and wants to go out

On the balcony are herbs, marigolds,

Lettuce, garlic, sweet peas, basil,

Pumpkin plant, grass plants, ferns, fuzzy

Red flowers, orchids, a greast rose bush,

And morning glories.  Also sunflowers

 especially a 10-foot tall on in full

yellow blossom about a foot across.

Outside is the falling of leaves

And of cars rising and falling, and the

Neighbors walking and lounging on the

Grass below.  And in this moment, I

Am very happy.  Amen////

“A Young Woman and the Moon.”

The Evening moonlight in an eastern garden.

 Hot dew.  Sleepy home overlooking

The town, overlooking the sky,

The sun rises each morning.

As I drink my tea I dream

OF loves to be won in mansions

Of my heart, Of Love

And My Theodore.

“Sleep Land”

When We Sleep—

How Far, Away, then, is the moon!

“Dreaming of---“

Far away,

On the tides of

The everlasting sea,

My heart

A bridge

Or on a bridge,

Stones, even

The symbol of stones

These black

Wet

Round

Smooth

Stones—

God’s tears.

Kisses Here, smiles,

Raucous laughter,

Toughing, kissing,

Flirting, chasing

Dreaming—

Of someone I love---////

“Dreams 2”

It is possible to touch heaven

It is possible to hold winged angel’s souls

Within your heart,

Love—

The thread

Without love,

Do not tread

These paths

Love is the entryway

Love is the key

Love is the gate.

The journey

Is within

The heart.///

“Time.”

One Day I, too, will be deadm

And one day I, too will tread

The immortal invisible realms,

Where our bodies are, too.

One Day, when loved ones pass over,

The remaining will again cry.

Allelujah, let us go into that dark land,

Let us tread those ephemeral shores.

Our family! Our Loved Ones!

Then we will tear at our hair and

Beat our chests and wail among dim stars,

And slowly we, too, shall pass over.

Is it possible that the pain of separation

Is made to make sweet the reuniting of us?

Fall, winter, Spring, Summer…

If you ask, where is heaven,

How do I get to visit, I say,

Go to sleep

And You Can remember.

Call out your beloved’s name.

Amen.////

“Forest Walk”.

Oh Friend,

God Filleth my Cup

God filleth my cup

To running over

But this is not

The reason, the

Gift.

Some days

I get the chance

To walk

In the forest

God’s Forest,

Hand in hand

With the Lord

Snapping Twigs

Spider Web Sticks

Soft Beds of Leaves

Grey Trunks

Old Trees

Baby Trees

Ferns

Mosses

Mushrooms

Lichens

I walk wild

God my Father

I am a little girl

 a young girl

he is my father

we talk about

the beauty

of the forest

I Love God.