A VOLUME OF POETRY PART THREE: JANUARY-MAY 2013 MEDITATIONS

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

"Hanging By a Thread"
 To my husband Theodore Land.
We're so alive
God, we're so alive
Suddenly we're dying and
your arms are around me, and we're suspended in
pain and ecstasy of one another's tears and we're so in love,
God, we're so in love.
If only we could breathe--- then
there wouldn't be anything
wrong.
If I die
Give everything I had to Theodore, my husband,
If I die,
I wont care,
because when i'm dying
your'e holding me so tight
so damnedly tightly
and i am a snowflake and you are a star
and we are spinning in infinity
around the axis of our entwined bodies
and as our tear intermingle and as
we find them pooling in one anothers silent
arms, I am free, I could just
laugh, I could just laugh.
To be so beautiful, so fragile,
and so in love is an ecstasy of longing
that is mutual.  If I
die, My Love, I want to die weeping in your arms
with the sun streaming through the lace curtains
the way we almost died today.
I love you Theodore.
Love,
 Your Wife.

Sunday, May 5, 2013

//You see a straight line.
But I see a circle.
And something is rising, like awave
in the sea, at the edge
of the sea.  Nature never did
forsake
the Heart That
Loved
Her.//
You see a straight line,
I see a circle.
It fills me with light!

Friday, May 3, 2013

//We dug down deep.
We didn't hope for
tomorrow.  We didnt hope for
anything.  We were resigned to
die....
Months passed...are passing...
the pain is intense.  But it
goes on and on, and yet today
I realize that
by chance or by fate, I have
survived-- i appear to be
alive--- that somehow we
survived, theodore and I,
For we dug down deep
and our roots must have found
water, because I realize
 that, in all this Pain, I remain
Alive.
Thank You God.
In Jesus name,
Amen.

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Nights like these,
early predawn mornings
my heart cannot sleep
nights like these,
my heart cries out
for injustices and i am
ignored by even old friends/
Nights like these,
I want to ask God
Why we have to die
Why my birds cant fly
Why we don't have wings
Why God never sings
And really anything
that doesnt make any
sense, to me, it seems.
My heart is not broken
it is angry at the world
it will not rest until i have
 soothed my dear good heart
with my wise wise mind.
No, my heart is not broken--
it burns, rather, like a fire
or a hot iron that is perpetual
When will this passion leave my chest?
When the stars cease to shine.  For Lord,
This good, good heart
of mine
will be true to thee
thus be true to me, wouldts thee?
The day i lose my good heart
is the day i will stop writing poetry.
Lord, I pray me this prayer,
Let me write poetry with this
good, good heart just because
i like the swoosh of the skis
on the ice of the clouds
of heaven!
//CES 4/30/13

I live now in dreams.
Memories keep me warm.
My husband is like the sun,
rising in the day and keeping
 me alive then holding my heart
at night.
I live in dreams now.
Memories Keep me Warm.
My lifetime of friends have disappeared
like fallen leaves from my branches
Or frightened birds.  I talk
to myself.  Each morning I
awaken and go to see if anyone has
remembered me.... I have noone
left.... I live in dreams.
Memories Keep Me Warm.
//by CES 4/30/13

Monday, April 29, 2013

Dark voices surround me suddenly,
Promising my exile in the name of God.
Forbidding my heart to speak-- suddenly
I feel
so full of light that
I can't help from writing.  I will go on and on
writing until i have written all
of this
that I do not know
that is inside me.
I will weave a world.
A world I have woven.
I will not be afraid.
Men do not understand.
They think, when something has happened, it is the end.
They do not live in cycles, as a woman does.
Fall, winter, spring, summer---
I do not see any ending or end times, I see
a constant rebirth.
Is my time to shine forth my light.
You cannot put a light in a hole, and
hide it.  A light must go on a hill, or in
a high place.  My candle goeth
not out by night.  My husband works
washing dishes, man's work-- while I,
I have set me down to weave a tapestry
like Odysseuss's wife, waiting for my husband,
I am going to wirte the things that come
to my mind, in spite of their docttines,
for I am a woman and women must follow
their hearts.  I choose this way.
I will follow my heart.
CES 4/29/13

"What dreams are made of"/


.....Gold Tinsel
Hammered Sheets
Softest wool
Emeralds cut like
snowflakes burning with
foreign light.
Jellyfishes suspended in
Glass
that never were
real-- and, I suppose, never
Will Be.
They are only dreams.
Blue Lagoon
Tidal Sunset
Have you ever found a
broken Pearl?
Dried apricots
and cranberries
and pecans with
orange peel and cloves
red wine
lace doilies
ivory angels.....
This is The stuff that
 dreams are made of.

//By CES 4/29/13

"On My Desk"
Baby Ducklings padding out on
webbed paperthin feet in the new
easter grass.  Seeds sprouting 
turning into beautiful flowers
by mid-summer, now green
and tender sprouts, are pushing
up through the ground.  Butterflies
and hummingbirds, and the sun is
golden light all over the little garden.
I'm at my desk looking out on
the porch garden, i cannot be for long
in sunlight so my skin is porcelain-white.\--
Inside, trinkets and jewels and peacock
feathers and gold and silver charms
a bejeweled box with a pink seashell
 inside and a porcelain bowl from england
 inlaid with a big bouquet of porcelain
 china roses.  A crepe-and gold thread scarf
a crocheted old shawl my mother made me,
more beautiful than anything i could make.
Bangles, green wood and pink and blue and 
silver with little mirrors and etchings and beads
A golden headpiece and a corset for my waist
A tea cozy by my desk with teapot and teacup,
full of hot tea plain or with sugar for a smile.
Lipsticks, at least five gorgeous shades, and 
a makeup foundation and eyeliner, black,
all around a mirror where I look and admire myself
Bottles of lotions, gift notecard sets, a candle,
a jar labeled "Tea" and filled with a big collection
of my favorites.  Pill boxes and lots of huge earrings
to set off my beautiful face and hair.  Some blush with 
brush.  Paintings of flowers and rain puddles and a cross
that i painted recently and labeled "Jesus" on most.
A lace tablecloth and our family portrait on the wall
These are the things that accompany my laptop,
On
My
Desk.//
By Caroline E. Sullivan 4/29/13

//it's better to give your life for
something
than to
live your life
without it/////////////////////////////////////

By CES 4/14/13

There is this Thing
In the Sky
Not Too High
Not Too Far
Away
Called
the
Sun.
The Sun it is the hope of
the World.
As Long as the Sun
Will Go On Shining
As Long as I can Look
Out My Window and
See---
The
Sun
I know
then, that I can
endure,
as long as the Sun is
in the sky.
It's rays fill me with
light and i know when i see
the sun that i am
alive.  It is what I am
looking to...
And at night, when
the Devils Darkness
sheathes the earth,
----The Sun Left Me A
Moon
To Protect me.
Like a ghost
or an angel,
She will stand tall.
She cannot hold me,
But she always is crying,
together we
cry.  In the
Day I endure with the Sun,
In the night I stand tall
With the
Moon
as my
Queen
of
the
Night!!!!
 With Sun and Moon,
I will never walk alone, I
 know.  We are the pillars
that hold up the
earth, and we
Endure.  When Old Time
Passes to take me away
from This World,
Some distant day,--
I will pass into another
Way.  But Until Then,
I am Not Alone.
On The Earth, I
Am Not Alone!!!!!!!!!
The Earth cries with me, Lord!!!
In JEsus' name, AMEN.
/// by CES 4/24/13



"Father God"
Father God, I Believe
that you have
created me
and formed me
for a
purpose that only I can do.
It isnt anything but the thing I do by breathing, which
is loving, God,
You put me here
to
Love my family
and
Hold
then together.
With my tender heart,
I cant see any other purpose for me,
And I see me here,
And I Know, I Know,
The Reason that You Put me Here
Was To Take Care of Them.
My Family.
I am holding them together.
With my heart I can love
You.  They may say it is
a thankless job, but
the reward is love.
What other thing is there on land or
sea, but to love and be loved
in return?????????
I know why I am here, God.
I'm starting to see.
//CES




"The World Endures in Jesus"
, a poem to my grandparents the Geens"

Jesus, Savior,
We
do not see
the things we coud be
doing
for one another.  The Good
Good
and the lonely
Loneliness
That is to heavy
heavy
to bear sometimes
sometimes.

And the broke
Broken
hearts that could be
nursed.  But Oh!
Only Jesus Christ could heal
the wounds of the brokenhearted
and lonely people and
the
dying people, and so,
next time you are are on your cell phone,
give a
call
to your mother, or sister, or father,
or brother.  You might hear a tinge
of the incredible
Pain
of daily
existence.
////

By Caroline E Sullivan

"Love Is All You Need"

Love is Warm.
Do You Feel
The Warmth in You Heart?
Is Burning like a fire.  That noone can ever
take away from you
nor destroy.  Child, Be at Peace.
Your HEART Is all you
will ever need in this life, or the next.
Be Still, and KNOW.  LOVE.
LOVE.  Love more.  Love mountains.
Love stones.
Love people.
Love stars.  Love insects
Love
dreams.
Love things that are yet
To Be.  Love, My Child.
The more you Love,
The more you ARE.
BE LOVE.
In Jesus' name,
AMEN.

///by CES 4/28/13


The world is a beautiful place
but
all we can do
is to be each of us,
only just what
we are.
That;s what God asks of us.
Not to take too little
Not take too much,
Take What You Need.
You may need
More
than you ever dreamed.
Though
There is virtue
in prudence.
Yes,
Prudence is a
Virtue.
But what is Joy?
Joy, then,
is
a Gift from God.
Love, and all the world
will open up
for you
wherever you are.
there is nothing you can say
to anyone
to solve anything.
you can work, but labor
is the noblest form of work.
Love in your heart is all that
will matter in
the
end.
There is nothing you can say.
There is nothing you can explain.
The tower of babel--
You can only love.
The love you put into your work
is love too.
Love have a mind of
its own.  Be happy.
Never give up.
On life,
 On Your dreams.
But Always, above all,
Love Everything.
Love.

//by CES 4/26/13



Let Your Heart
Melt
the world, its always breaking
the heart, is not for taking,
the heart breaking is the heart
softening
to love  Like a tiny chick
cracking out of an egg,
The heart has to
break
and ache
and break
again
and again
and again.
The breaking is the
hard part.... but it
has to happen, for
you to be able
to
love.
When your heart breaks,
a new love shines in
like the first ray of light
on a baby chick.
Love is all that matters,
Loe is all that will get us through,
--When the world has played its cards,
when your life has played out before you,
and is time to go home,
the only part that will matter is
Love.  Your heart.
The love you have held,
shared, suffered,
longed for, love,
love, love.  Love
is the thing that matters.  It is
the thing we take with us
into
eternity, and
eternity
i believe,
is
Love
Itself.

//By CES 4/27/13

Sunday, April 28, 2013

I will tell you a secret
about hearts....
this secret is unfathomable as
space.  Older than time.
The secret of the heart
is the broke broken heart.  Love,
I have a secret gift-- you see--
I-can-
-OPEN-
Theodore's heart.  First,
I ask God the Holy Spirit to speak through me.
And it is always there.
And Then, it starts to talk, I tell theodore what it say,
and he is in the fetal position under the covers
and my arms around him so very very very tightly---
--i can peek into his broken heart and do a little
Jesus-Love-Surgery.  He lets me.
I ask Holy Spirit to speak through me,
and I speak in second-third person.
I tell him about his pain.  His fears etc.
All his questions.  The holy spirit
tells him, through me.
I am love.
In Jesus' Name.
AMEN.

//by CES 4/28/13

Saturday, April 27, 2013

I.
I was a blind man
and you picked me up.
I was a dead man
and you raised me up
I was a lonely man
and you gave me a purpose.

II. A beautiful girl
sitting in a room with
lace curtains
and a cello, she has
the most
beautiful
long black shining hair.
She keeps saying over and over
again,
in an angelic
voice, "All I have
are
lace curtains
and a cello."
"All I have
are lace curtains
and a cello/"
Then she says,
"How can I ever be
a poet
If I don't have the
money to buy
more things
to write
about?  For
All I have
are
lace curtains
and a cello."

By CES 4/26/13

Friday, April 12, 2013

Prologue: On An Origami Starfish

I was lost, and,
not having any
road
left
now, to travel on; I
took my origami heart and flew
 to a new branch,  I found my heart
where it had always
been;
good heart!   And I was
giddy
to leave
what company I was loth
to bear; and not haveing any
money,
I began to dream,  A dream
took me far
away
from here, and I thought I should
create some sort of new
world.  Worlds are special.
There is no identical world.
So I perch on this
branch, and begin I me
to sing, to sing for the why's
the birds sing-- for the
sake of singing, because singing is
my nature, because it
beautifies the world--
because, I have a dream of
another world.  My home, let it be
another world away from
the real world, and let this home be a world for
me.
That I make craft something of
an origami starfish ocean that may
hold me like a dream
holds me when
I am
asleep--- do not wake
me,
but let me dream.
Brave new shores---
Farewell outworn world!
We start anew.
//CES 4/1/13

Thursday, April 11, 2013

//There are roses in this garden.
there are baby swimming minnows.
There is a leaf tree older than any other tree
its size.  There is a feather
cluster
that is so bright in colour, that the
bouquet of which falls about the floor
 like an angel's boudoir
fluffy down  and shafts
 dipped in watercolor paint
I find myself quite regularly alone.
I spend my days, quite regularly, alone.
I think about time, as its passing.
I wonder if it's passing more quickly or more slowly,
--surely more slowly than ever before, than even
when I was a child.  Hours alone
are spent in quiet happy passing,
Not lookt for; not missed.
 Five Birds
A Cat and
a Large Mouse
I have for companions.  We sail
in the sunlight,  We are trying to ignore
the world we dream of, that big world
out there-- outside the front door!
It can be so strange, and so dissapointing--
that world out there.  I begin to grow
weary.
Five Birds Have I.
And a cat
And a large mouse---
Husband my husband come and hold me.
Bar the world outside our door,
Don't let anyone find me,
Let me be the most beautiful creature they've never
seen.  Let me be for you.
It nearly strikes midnight, snd still
you are
washing dishes. You wash.
i'll mourn.  Seasons come and go.
When will you Give me
a Child of my Own?//

by CES, 4/1/2013

A poem
is like a little
balloon---
you give it life
with your breath
you tie a knot
and a ribbon
(if you're lucky)
Then-- you know what,
That little balloon
Will rise.
Let it go.
It will fly
into heaven
and God will itch his head when it gets
there, saying, what's this,
and maybe smile
because a poem is a prayer.
they were meant to be free.
nobody can take
my heart
from
me.

///by CES 4/2/13




A Lullaby For Theodore, My Husband.

Dream, dream, while the world
is young, and you have youth to hold you
when you are heavy of heart or sore
afraid.  Dream, my baby,
Dream.  Sleep lightly as a dove nestles
under a wing or a flower closes
up at night to keep the starshine out
and the ripples on the lake nearby
Go Still.  My Baby, Dream.  While the sky is
above and blue, while your heart is new.
never a stormcloud to trouble your dream.
nor a fear to wake thee in the thick black night.
Work in the night and sleep in the day,
Under my wings, under the eyes
Of God.  Dream when the the morning light ruffles your
xhestnut brown hair and lights the Fair--
oh marvelous Fair!--- countenance of the face and thy sweet
self, thy tiny childlike body, the tiny little feet,
tiny little fists in a litlle
ball.  Sleep my baby.  Let your eyelids flutter open
When I wake you with a kiss, and
I will never let anyone or anything hurt you.
No.  If it be the only thing that I do, let me
Gaurd thee, my husband, my Child, my Soulmate,
My Theodore.////
By CES 4/1/13

Saturday, March 30, 2013

"True Love"
A thousand thousand tiny fireflies lighting up the trees
A love song on the radio in our car
I've been drinking
And eating at
the nicest restaraunt
in town.
The sky begins to rain.
I say "Will you marry me Theodore?"
He doesn't answer, so i urge him, "Come On Say Yes!"
He says yes and takes my hand.
Take me home Daddy-O!

//And we all lived
Happily Ever After.

Amen.

 

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

"Lost"
Some days there's nothing
to go on.  Some days
you can't hardly move,
Some days the Grief
You do not understand
Yet bear with a heavy load,
Is more than you ever wanted
to take.  Some days you learn
that
Integrity
is moving one single grain of sand.
Aside from the fact that
one is utterly alone in this.
you get lost.  You feel shame and guilt
because you are not being paid for
what you do; you are unemployed.
And probably always will be, some days
there isnt anyone to comfort you...
and isn't that
a divine mystery?  Some days God
has been away so long that you can barely feel
His hand strengthening you.  Sometimes
You care
what other people think.
It hurts.  Some days you realize
you're going to have to put all your faith in God,
because there just isn't a Path anymore,
to follow.  Some days, days like these,
I feel hopelessly
Lost.