A VOLUME OF POETRY by CAROLINE E.SULLIVAN

PART TWO: WINTER MEDITATIONS 2012-2013

PART TWO: WINTER 2012-2013 MEDITATIONS

Monday, December 31, 2012

Poem of the Day: January 1, 2013

//Your life's a mess, your heart's a wreck, youre dying, youre crazy and lazy and mean...you should be permanently institutionalized in a dark barred asylum where even the crows can't land they're droppings on you...// I Know
This, you
see--
I KNOW this.  I Know
that whatever
a moon is or
ever was
is You, and I know that
Well I'm not sure what I know, but I know
that it is sad,
sad as death,
sad as death,
sad as death.  Poet
take the sail and sail into
oblivion.  Noone cares
anymore.  We don't care
if you live or
die.  So, I learned to
hide.  Hiding is the best thing.
If you can dissappear completely
you are
free.  All I want
is to be
free.
I spend all day trying to be
free.  I am not crazy.  You could,
learn, a good deal from me, whoever
you are.  That is why
I am a
Poet,
Poets cry.
So the next time you see me crying,
don't ask why if youre being sarcastic.
just ask if you actually care.
I will tell you I
Will never know why
We poets Cry.
Poet
Poet
Poet-----
ry. ///

By Caroline E. Sullivan.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

"Maybe In Another Life"

A long long time ago
I was a princess
no one spit on me
I was able to cry
Far away, Long Ago,
I was meant for a better life
than this,
I don't know where and I dont
know what, but I know
 That when I go to the market
they all whisper in general,
"There's that girl...she act like she
The Queen of Sheba... Her clothes,,,
Her family...Sad... funny..."then they sadly
fade away.  I am Glad
to watch them go.  They dissolve
from me when I leave
 the maddening
crowds.  Yes,
Lord, My soul is Glad
To watch them go.

By Caroline E. Sullivan December 27th, 2012

Monday, December 10, 2012

"My God" (continued)
My God, He make the bow snap
My God, he is mighty.
My God make the earth burst forth lava.
My God send the storms at sea.
My God made the oceans
My God made the fishes in the oceans
My God make lowlands rise and mountains fall.
My God is smaller than the tiny feather on a bird
My God is beautiful.
My God is fragile like the tiny flower.
My God grow in the wilderness.
My God, he make hollow places smooth and round places bigger.
My God,would never hurt me.
My God would never hurt you.
My God love his children, every single one.
My God, he is strong.
My God, He is brave.
My God, He is mighty.
My God, Is noble.
My God is very,very old.
My God is neither bigger than the biggest ocean
My God is neither smaller than the smallest wish.
My God knows our needs before we ask him.
My God answers prayers.
Amen.

Poem of the Day December 10,2012
"My God"
My God, he like a puppy.
My God, he in the flames.
My God, he send his angels
My God, will never change
My God, will not desert me
My God, he don't fear death,
My God, he sends me presents
My God, gave me a gift.
My God, free like roaring wind
My God, He love to stay at home
My God, me missing.
My God, he's my father.
My God need help
My God need to rest his head.
My God have a place at our dinner table
My God lives in a closet.
My God has left me here
My God has fortified my house
My God will return
My God send me messages
My God, I miss him.
My God, he must be defending us now.
My God, must be on a journey.
My God is always with me
My God has to leave sometimes.
My God is my Best Friend.
My God may forsake me,
But I will never forsake Him.
My God, I will never forske You.
Oh Know This, My God.---

CES

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Poem of the Day Saturday, December 8th 2012

My Hands
These hands are soft andwhite,
these hands have nails like this little baby
clam shellsyou findon the beach,
 inthe sand, Ihave
long, tapered fingers
One bears my engagement ring.
I have beautiful hands.
My husband is coming home soon....
I wish
I could live like this
the rest of
my life.

Posted by C at 2:27 PM No comments: 

Friday, December 7, 2012

I went outside I saw a star shining blue in the sky
It smiled at  me and said "Hello, Daughter of God."
When I die, can you, can you just be there okay?
I mean After I die,I
I want to see you on the other side.
That's all I really want from Heaven.

Poem of the Day: December 7th,2012
"Christmas Memory"
Outside, it's dark--
Eight  O'clock in the evening.
A chilly night, frosty with a nip in the air, crispand
neatly folded like a fitted sheet and clear and bright like
an evening gown in candlelight, glowing gems in the sky and all around us, the
christmas lights cheerily ring-a-lingaling, and the frost on the ground but not
on our second story balcony overlooking a view,
Inside, it's all snuggly warm and buttery-lit with low lamps and there are the most
beautiful Christmas songs playing on the computer, which glo ws like a fire,
I am sitting amongst it all, wistfully thinking about Theodore, my Husband, who is in bed
And the cat is in a corner mewing herself into a lull.
I am already n a lull, a motherly warmth emanating from
I am on the sofa by the christmas tree warming myself to the lights and the ornaments and the
nutcracker and the angel doll
and the presents
and cookies for santa
and a cold drink for me in a softly striped
mug
I am tired and happy.
I am sitting with my crocheting in the lap of my nightgown
my soft physique, curved in every way, almost as soft as what I am making
My hair isin a loose, poofy frazzled bun with strands coming out all piled on
the top of my headand  I look
tired.
My fingers are working lilke little flames flickering over the crochet
hook and the yarn like quicksilver
I am making something
something--
beautiful--
Something baby blue
andbaby yellow
 and lamb's wool
fuzz the color of snow
peachy-beaige-into mint green
Something crocheted, something soft
something faded
my fingers working like little flames
crocheting winter caps for my grandparents.
Two hours pass, The christmas music is filling the room with memories.
I am just getting ready to go to bedwhen
Theodore comes out of the bedroom
and stumbles over and asks me what I am doing.
He say
I look like a fifteen year old girl.
and I am happy.
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!!!!!
-CES
 

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Poem of the Day: December 6th, 2012

"Love"
In the end
all we can do
is love
-not just love the trees and stars and God,but
more so,to lovethe ones we cant help loving.
A loving heart is a blessing from God
To love isto be slowly born
Love is a flower, a fruit, a smile
We cant help loving those welove
Wedonot choose the ones welove
Welove,andpray to God that God has a plan
(which, ofcourse,he does)
Tobeloved inreturnis the best gift
anyonecangive--just to love,
and beloved in return.
Love isn't cruel. Love isn't cunning.
Love is blind sometimes and sometimes,love hurts...
The pain of loving is how we grow
in Love.//
CES

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Why does the little fish swim
Why does the ant carry a single grain of sand
accross the yard.
Why do bumblebees
sting
Who could ever say that anything was impossible
 when there are thingslike hummingbirds and seahorses,
ripplesand wrens,
foxes and finches,
moles and molehills
lands sofar away
stars twinkling in the night
tadpoles,orbaby fishinthe
sea
why do they saythings canbeimpossible?
Don't they seethat these things are proof
that nothing
is
impossible?
In Jesus' name--Amen.

Poem of The Day: December 5th, 2012

I. The Snow.
Whispering Snows
Icy Puddles
Trickling Tears turn
 to icicles
Loneliness and all that
Moonbeams on snow
Icecaps on shadowy mountains
where fern banks are mounds of fluffy snow
Ice crystal caverns
Growing in the red mud
of the road.

II. The Tea
I made you severaldozen
tiny biscuits but they
came out a bit dry
I put the kettle on and
you know
the house isnt perfect
but its decent--
The delf porcelain bowl with
the nightingale inside
Is full of dried cranberries,Pecans
and pretzels.Won't you have some?
The kettle's boiled--
Which tea would you like, here's
the whole canister--darjeeling,
chamomile, peppermint, irish breakfast,
fruity herbal--and the sugar bowl--
I forgot the spoons.Youll need butter
and here-the cream pitcher, brimming with
milk.Now,tell me what's new
 in Your Life?

III.Bowls.
The pregnancy of bowls,
the ripeness of bowls,
the hollow inside scooped- outness of bowls
The rounded curveofa bowl
porcelain,wood,stone, plastic,
filledwith
potpourri (i like best)
Or,set atop cupboards for mixing
batter Large bowls of fruit
and small individual bowls of fruit
And deep bowls of soup
and shallow bowls of soup.
Bowls of spagetti,
Bowls of salad,
Bowls of nuts,
Bowls of beads
Bowls of Lipsticks
Bowls of Jewelry,
Bowls of blossoms
in the rain, gathering
tears.

-By Caroline E.Sullivan

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Poem Of The Day: December 4th, 2012
"Dear Mr. Sun"

Dear Mr. Sun,
Thou art a star!
No "sun" but Star thou art!
We are children of starlight!
Sunlight is starlight!
The plants are the children of the sun- our star,
The plants worship and live from the glow of the
starlight.
How do we see?  By starlight.
We walk in starlight.  Oh ungrateful mankind,
Why settest thou thy sights on
distant twinkling stars, when the greatest of Stars
is beaming so magnificently so lovingly, down
upon us?
When our star get very old, let us, Earth, and all
of its children, let us
go
with our Star,
Mr. Sun,
into
the darkness forever.
Surely the earth is good, for we were born of starlight!
our mother is starlight,
our father is starlight.
How far away, then, is the moon!//

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Poem of the Day December 4th, 2012
"Questions to God"
No, God.  No!  No, no, no.  I wont let You
walk away from me this time.  Why?
Why now and not then?
Why this and not that?
Why won't you answer me?
Can't you hear me?
Why must we grow old?
Why must, I, a woman, work in order to
have a child and marry?
Why
wont my family
take me in?
Why are the leaves all around and why
 is there so much of everything
why am I asking
why are you angry
why wont You answer me?
why wont you give me a child?
Why?
Why Won't you answer me?
II.
We die, we turn to dust.
All of us, every living thing on earth.
Death is imminent.  It is the only glimpse of eternity.
We say, Love, Love, is eternal,
but right now I am afraid I see death lasts longer than
love.
Love
can be broken
by a careless heart
by a disaster
by chance
Love dies
when we die,
So Why, God,
Does Death Conquer Love?
Why were we born to die???????

Poem of the Day December 3rd, 2012
God, why did you teach the stars to cry?
Why did you make the little moth fear the spider and wren
why must we die and why do we sin

Why are some men rich and some men poor
Why do we grow old
Why are there men and women
Why are there summer and winter
why me?  Why you?  Why us?
Just Why?

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Poem of The Day:  December 2nd, 2012

to Theodore, my fiance.

I dont ever want to live without you.  

I want to die before you so I dont have to,

I can't live without you.

I love you.

you are away for the weekend.  I am alone

here, and I feel like crying.

dim pale stars can thaw, i feel warm in my heart.

I miss you.

we are going to get married soon.  i hold

your engagement rig you gave me

two days ago, and I feel like sobbing, the bed

is empty without you.  I am hearing voices 

and I am afraid right now.  I wish

you were here with me.

maybe it's been a scary day.  maybe i need

to hold you.  Maybe I feel alone.

maybe I'm scared and i dont know why.

Maybe because I am alone all weekend without you.

Maybe because I'm in alot of emotional pain

with momee and bumpaw.  Maybe

I need you now, maybe i need you like

i need air like water like light

maybe i can't take it any more.

maybe i want to walk out the front door and start walking

to wherever you are.  its a crazy idea,

but my heart is telling me to

walk to you.  But I dont even

know where you are!

You are sleeping in your car somewhere 

far away.  i miss you so badly.

I need you.

I can't wait for our wedding.

I can't wait for our honeymoon.

i can't wait to get a decent job.

i cant wait to buy a house with a garden.

and most of all, I cant wait, I cant wait,

to have children.

I cant wait to get old with you.  

I cant wait to be old with you!

i cant wait to see you.

I cant wait to kiss you.....

I love you Theodore, my sweet baby.

I love you forever, my husband.

we are engaged.  I am wearing your ring---

Oh1  I cant wait to be in your arms again.

goodnight Theodore,  Jesus, watch over him tonight,

keep him warm,.....

I love you Theodore Land

by-Caroline Land

Poem of The day:  12/01/12

A Prayer.
Oh baby Jesus,  Our loving christ,
see these hands, these hands that were meant
To Hold You.
See these hands
These hands , that
were meant--
To die for you.  These hands
that willworkfor you.  These hands
that bear my wedding ring.  These hands
ido not know what these hands were meant to do.  Idonot know.
But with my hands
I can hold you.  With my heart,
I can Serve You.  With my heart, I can
Love You.  With my heart, I can
pray.  Jesus, strengthen me and forgive me.
With these hands,i can do many things.
With these hands, Ican
paint.  I can write.  I can bake, cook, stitch, type,
sew.  I can string beads.  I can braid my hair.
Oh Jesus, sweet Jesus,won't You,
find me something IcanDo with My Hands
To better Serve you?
We are so blessed.  Forgive
me.Bless
These hands.Giveme new
strength
To Jesus and God, Love,Your loving Servant,
Caroline

Friday, November 30, 2012

Poem of the day 11/30/12:
I saw a King.
Prince Phillip, sitting in malificent's dungeon//
And I loved him.
//
He was an angel, the kind you dont raise your eyes to;
He had no crown but his pretty brown hair,
And his eyes ful of thewisest tears.
"See the great king, true love..." etc
And i love him.
I loved him.
And I was the maid that loved him.
--Written on11/30/12 for Theodore Christopher Land. 

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Poem of the Day 2.
I thought I had heard theangels sing--i thought, ithought, but ah, it  wasjust and only but a dream, for i mustnt have heard one angel to sing than till I did watch my Theodore DREAM.  Then, Ithink,this, then, is the promised Land.  This is the angel of The Lord.  //CES 12/12

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

there isn't anything to be said.
There is nothing to be said.
There is nothing left.
There is nothing here
Night and light and half-
moon light--
white and strawberry
and lemon yellow light
Warm and tranquil
Peas in Summers
A thousand summers,--a
thousand years
Nothing last forever except
death and things that don't exist,
Found me crying there,
This charred heap of
coal n ashes---,
fanned the embers--
--smoke.
Lost is the Way That
He Went,  Lost is the way
that I looked at you
lost are the toys I
had when I was a
little girl, and woe is me!
Lost are a million tears
A million tears cried a thousand
times,
as bewildered the first time
Crying.
crying, and sadness.
do you feel sadness
when you pray, I do,
I feel the loneliness of all
the world and God but--
my heart is breaking,
My heart is breaking
The glass case is shattered
shards poke at what
I once thought I was
And black blood
oozes from the crevices
and trickles to the
floor so softly, so damn
-edly softly.
Does noone- care- but,
I know they dont,
Few have pity on
late twenty-somethings
except their mothers.
Nobody else.
So what have I?  These
broken heart lights,
a million-and-twelve--
and this broken heart-
If you have ever had a
broken heart there
are no words to describe
it,
A straining of menstrual blood, a
tainted wash through
your kidneys
a clotted fist or eye
or a constricted
 thumb or frostbite
or numbness because
of freezing or a meaning
less singed hand, now
cooked like seared meat
A drivel of white
people in eternal white
uniforms are carrying
your casket accross a
football field, there are
your fans, and there you are
on the sidelines watching
and your heart is breaking
See how they run!  The men,
in white, the people in
white.  Nothing is real
but the people in white
There is an American
flag over your casket
which is funny because
it is absurd, meanwhile
wou're taking in a november
night with the stars
overhead and stars
are heartless but you,
you arent heartless,
and the men in white
say you're in that box
with the absurd flag but,
you're not, you're not, you're
not in that box,----
they lift, chanting,
Behold, the great heart
that has ceased to beat,
in this box;
But you are-- how could
you be anything else, never were,
never will be,
you've got your fingers tucked insde the
sleeve cuffs of your jacket and God but it's a beautful
\night with the stars out and
all your friends all sitting with you
on the bleachers,
moths in the light--!
and your heart is in your chest beating
thought breaking, though never
breaking just
breaking and folding in again
with a cry
and that is breathing and you look at you in the
box and your sitting here and oh
here comes your heart
I mean, your crush--
and your heart is
breaking crushing in on itself
but it will never stop
breaking
abd your heart is bleeding
blue black blood and
yeah, yeah, yeah,---
And look!  Our team,
they scroed a touchdown!
And we all stand up cheering and
for a moment you are
happy again,
then the gave is over
and its time to go out
ti eat with the ones who will take you home--
and you'll never come
 back, until maybe next
year--... next year,
perhaps...
an empty bleacher
on a midnight is an
awful lonely thing, that
way, and you'll
feel better when we all get
warm again
--that's the story of a broken heart.
CES 12/2012