“Masterpiece”

Today

Was a day of

Black

And

Brown

And

Gold

Leaves

And

Fairies

Flying about the

Undergrowth.

Today

I pushed

Higher

Harder

Faster

Than Ever

Before.

Today

I reached

A new limit

Tomorrow

Another

I am walking

Fast as an eagle

Hard as the rain

My voices

Are heard

In the flapping wind

Far away

Something utters

A mournful—

What?

What

These words

Are diamonds

Water

Fistfuls of pebbles

Streaming through

My hands

I knew thow first

Words not—

I know them

Yet I know not

Their meaning

What are these

Words

Softly

In the dusk

These tepid

Murmuring

Seas

Are so far hence

So long

Ago

We cannot

Forgive

Them

Because

we cannot

remember

from whence

they come

words

speaking

through me

like

deep

fresh

water

Do you love these words?

Faraway an Island

Remote in the Wilderness

A Strange Sound

Earth

Wind

Grows Softly

A feverish

Twisiting of

Arms

The miraculous pulling

Of the wind

In dust.

Strange fitful rhymes

Strange pallor of the

Motionless

Dense

Dim

Treachery

Armfuls of cotton

Never Forgive Them

Tell them I came

And that I was here

Tell them

A bird sang from remotely

In our past

Tell them

We were lost

And afraid

Tell them

I never was

Tell them

I begun

But never finished

Tell them please

That they are not

What they seem they are

Tell them

Not to get lost.

It is sheer rock—

It is a long harsh peal

It is strange laughter

It is far away

And lost

It is

Not finding

No

What

It is far away

Long ago

I wrote

A story

And now

I am lost

In the winds

Of my words.

Hallelujah!

What

I don’t know

A crack in the distance

A breaking twig in the

Jungles of glass.

It is a forgotten

 Song…

It Is

Called

Getting lost

All you have to do

Is look up.

////

Laughing

Silently

Fumbling

We go down

into the rocks

Still waters

Run deep

And rivers

Sing sweetly

And deep rivers

Move slow

And the heat

Of the air

In that place

Stifling

Wretched

Place

Breaks my heart

When in an uproar

The pain

Gave way

To new life

Will a part

Of me

Of you

Of I

Will it die

Wherefore have i

Lost the works

Why do I not

Look

Why ceased hence

To reach

For the dream

Why are am I

Lost

What happens

To us when

Or after

We die

Why am I

Lonely

Or not lonely

I am

Always

Alone

Yet there is

Deep water

A pilgrim

Traveler

Weary soul

He is resting

Neath my wings.

Pilgrim, Soul, Little One,

Soft, Hard, Wet, Dry,

Earth, Sea, Wind, Sun

Cloud, Death, Earth

To These Mysteries

Ice Blasts upon these

Iniquities I dare not

Nay to express

Laughing in the rain

And love in the mist

And predawn coffee

Warms the blood

Predawn soul,

Glowing chambermaiden,

Pretty heart

Pretty seashell

Raindrops on a cloud

Newborn daffodil

Sweet candy

Apple red

Pomegranate, marigold

Goldfish, grapefruit.

Amen Lord./////

The Sun and the moon

And all the stars,

In a basket,

Scrambled eggs

My pretty baby

Oh pretty baby mine

Thou art coming

One some day

Sooner or later

Pretty little one

With soft velvety

Earlobes

And rain

And fuzzy hair

Like a chick.//

Faraway I am losing you

It is a long time ago

And yet it is far distant

Marry me!

Chocolate, hazelnut,

Blueberry, wine,

Pomegranate, maple leaf,

Sugar, lemon, thyme

America, Austin,

Lonely as a cloud

Long distant strangers

Now.

Eclipse or

Hidden by

The moon

Or shadow

Of the earth

Oh infinity horrible

I know a little

I know of dark abyss

And the end of all

Hope and meaning

I know all of stars’

Terrible fevers

The lampposts of the darkness,

The shadows moving in the deep.

Long have I pondered those

Mysteries—oh, a little while—

Yet I at this moment perceive

Our world outnumbered by

Darkness

Life is a miracle

The human brain is

The most complex

Thing we have found

In the universe

Oh, terror, oh

Endless night—

I am frightened

By the vastness

And ignorant to

Blatancy through a

Straining sterility

Of science

But free of

Fear.

Amen Lord Jesus.////

“Theater”

Dawn Breaks

On the horizons

Of my life, of time,

A gate, door, entry opens

And I step onto a stage

And I start

To sing

Or

Do I forget all the words

And stand there, bashful,

Gesturing, ashamed?

“Thoughts”

Guacamole

Is good

Good with  chips

Good on a sandwich

Good in a salad too

So is rice—

God, my cat’s run

Wild

All night she

Just wants to

Stay awake

In the wilderness

Up high

On the porch

Right here

She must be

Bored.////

“Gimme a Light”

I have no light

I have-

--No=

--light—

So what, you mean you can’t

See, or something?

No, and I don’t want to.

I can’t sleep.  I don’t want

To have another dream.

In the darkness I can see—

I can’t see anything up here.

Or down,

Or anyway. Anywhere—no,

I can see nothing anywhere.

/What’re you going to do?

I said, Look Mister, see

--I Need—

--a—

--light!—

////

Weary hours

On the thresholds

Of consciousness

Slaying me,

Love now, this,

This slaying,

Or something—

Anyway, it was Big!

Really damn big

You know it was about

The biggest one I ever

Seen in my life.

What was it?

A Shark.////

So I said to the nurse,

Or waitress, or whatever,

I said,

“Give me my wine”

The grape juice was

Sickly,

And I swallowed

A handful of

Horse pills.

Damned paper cup

--the cup the pills were in—

--water.

Some of it

Wouldn’t go down,

Just stayed there

All sideways

Like it was making

Fun of the way

I had a knot

In my throat

Already.

Damn it!////

“Sense”

There is evidence for God

In sentience—

In awareness

Of reality

Through

Our senses.

Helen keller

Was deaf and blind,

But she too

Had a life, joys,

A reality.

You could say,

God Gives Us That Reality

Through our five senses,

And the reality of, it is

Of life

Ourselves

Our world,

This—this the

World,

The world—

Earth—

Our minds,

You could say—

God gave us them.

They are our gifts to

Live

Lives

In

The

World.

We are

Alive.

To me,

 that is a gift from

A God, The God,

Of Eternity.//

“On God”

There is only one God,

Or everything has a God,

Or guardian angel guarding it,

Or a soul.

Every-thing, I believe,

Has

All these

Soul, God, Lord Of It, and Gaurdian

Angel guarding it.

Karma is virtuousness

We have only

To harness

The “winds”

Our souls’

Guides

In lifetimes---

To find magic, healing, divinity,

The contact with God—

In which,

By seeking it,

We can speak to God,

Angels—

Our Souls,

And then, perhaps, as it

Has for me;

The possible blurs with

The impossible.

God is this Gift.

There is only God Almighty.

Then, under angel’s wings,

Does your felt soul

Know, you are, you become,

His Child.

 Oh, Worship him!  For The Lord is

Goodness Itself.////

“Time”

“Theodore, you’re getting old!”

At least

That’s

What ill tell him

Next time

I get a chance

I’m getting old, too,

But I can’t tell.

I look and feel

So young,

But I’m 24.

Theodore is 32.

And he looks

So young

But,

He has a

Secret smile-

-Lines under his eyes

They are so beautiful!

“The Sea.”

Outside our window, on the porch where we garden,

Is a world.

The trees sway

We are in the treetops of the maples,

2^nd story,

We are in the city

We are a family

That road out there,

That road,

Is, It’s ocean.

It is deep blue ocean.

Or is it a stream, leading into

Meandering river

That never ends.

Roads never end,

They are a circle.

They are everywhere.

They connect us

To the Whole.

We Are The Whole.////

“Fossils”

I have,

In my collection

Some stones

From—

--the Sea.////

“The Sea.”

Was the sea so old,

Did, it cry,

Is it angry,

Why aren’t the stones turned to—

--to sand?

Is that Evil?

Is the sea adrift on earth?

Is it encroaching on the land,

Is it—

Is it, moving?

The Sea,

Is it angry?

Is the Life Under The Sea Surface

Is it Good?

Is it Scary?

Why is it Separated from us?

On land—

The Sea,

Is it God?

Is it angry?

I fear the sea,

From deep in my mortal

Heart—

In my life I have

Dived

And my sea-wisdom

Eerily

--terrifying

We like to drive

In our cars

To the bare edges of the sea

And it is gentle,

So Gentle To Us!

And we all

Bask

In eternity.

There the sea

Is God.////

Love And Illness in the Time of Hiding, I.

“Marry Me!”

Stop Asking.

Please?

Laughter./

Love And Illness in the Time of Hiding, II.

I’m lost,

I’m lost,

I’m

I’m losing you/

Love And Illness In The Time OF Hiding, III.

Ir’s a nervous condition….

I see.

Stop taking those pills!

Then you’ll get well.////

“Free Will”, or “On Hearing Voices”

“Do you understand

That you and I

Are One?”

Whispers a thought

In my heart.

As I am writing on

The liberation

Now, very now, of—

My mind.

And the recovery

Of my will.

This now when

My thoughts

Are

My own

Again

After so long—

Seemingly losing your free will—

But feeling The same—

Is an eerie feeling.

It is scary and sad

It is also a miracle

You feel like a fool

The future is terrifying

You Pray.

You just pray

When your thoughts

Become your own again,

You are always

Uneasy

Uncertain

Afraid

Of losing

Some kind of

Control

In there.

You pray.

---But, I never really

Lost my free will…see,

I lost all

I lost nothing

I was there in bed,

Thinking,

--but half my thoughts

Were not

My own.

Voices droned on

In timelessness—

--void.—

I never even trembled

In my heart

It was just as though

I saw my shadow

And we spoke

To one another for

A long time

And it remained present

All of my life—

Now my shadow

Changes form

It walks right

Beside me

In my head

It makes me wonder

About my sanity.

But I never change---

Me, The woman my husband

Married five years ago---

Me, I have a strong personality

And a sound mind---

If you dim the lights

The shadows are gone—

That’s medications---

And when I have my medication,

It’s only me in my head,

Alone,

Just fine!

As always

Naked

And

Trembling

And alone.////

Amen.

“Halloween 2011”

Peonies

Poplars

Maple Trees, Fall, Autumn coming

In a few months…Chris and I will

Walk through the leaves, the golden

And yellow and red, apple red,

Green and brown mottled leaves

Eating Halloween candy.

Chocolates, M&Ms, Milk Duds, Snickers Bars…

Lots of chocolates!  We will

Carve pumpkins and put them out

On the porch with candles in them.

Oh Lord!  I do so look forward

To the Fall!  Although Summer is

Wonderful.  For Halloween, we are going

To dress Ludwig up as a bat or an

Angel.  A Bat.  I Will make her costume.

 Mugs of Coca Cola

Halloween, with its

Candy,

Candy Corns

And Bats

And a kitten.

Babym

And my

Boyfriend Theodore smiling,

Laughter.  We are

Full of laughter.

And good cheer.

Happy Halloween!

“Warm Up, Dawn.”

In Pre-dawn darkness I rise

The sins he has not, will not, commit,

Life is God, God rests in warm Joy,

Joie De Vie! The Joy of Life, in the French.

Longing ebbs; if- if I do not long then I

Pine, for what I do not know,

My life is answered,- I am in love and have

Long been;

Now in cool last days of summer, the lord

 and I gather leaves, fruits, butterflies and

cicadas into our hearts;

We are the proud—

Ah, Lord, What a World!

“Autumn Harvest”

Now is end of late summer,

It is September.

There are pumpkins growing in the garden.

There are sunflowers half-high.

The sweet pea crop is fruitless.

The morning glory vine will not grow.

The basil grows like icicles—that is, very slowly.

A hummingbird passes by.

We are Surrounded by City,

Two Cities on either side.

Shrill Jungle across the street.

Factories surround us.

We are desperately outnumbered!

“Clumsily”

Clumsy Poetry startles the dawn hours,

I rest my eyes on my bed.

Life and live are my portion.

“Art.”

It is true that in art, all artm

There is perfect freedom.

It is true that there are

 Principles of Design.

It it true that my wisdom is deep

From meditation and serenity.

If so, if it is—

I exhume wisdom unto God,

Unto Me. 

But of Art; there is laughter, agony,

Illness—what of these?

What of tales?

Art is a Gift From God.

Above All, Let us

Remember That

In All Things.////

Amen.

Pre-Dawn Hours.

Theodore, in the mornings

you rise in the

Dark in thick

4AM night. You

Check your Alarm,

I am snoring, drooling, and I

Usually don’t wake up.

If I did, I would serve

 you a cup of warm coffee

with milk and tons of

 sugar in your plastic

Hot Spot Mug With

the Black Handle

That Fits into

your car Cupholder.

I would boil you a sausage

Or some bacon

And wrap it tight in two

Pieces of bread with an egg

And a piece of cheese.///

“Growing.”

The Lord asked of me, HE said,

“I cannot be with you anymore.”

“What can I do?” I asked.

The little leaves of lettuce that were

Speaking in the breeze

Pointed up at Zhanna’s

Rose, the most beautiful

Rose Of All.

“I See It,” I Said.

“Do That,” Said God.  “Can You

Do What That Rose

Is Doing For Me?”

“Yes,” I Said.  “I will Try.”

I thought I might paint a rose

to understand

I will look at the rose

And try to be like the rose.

THIS IS THE FIRST POEM I EVER WROTE:

“On Love and War And Poetry”

Love and War are Together.

They Feed one another

Poetry is a snowflake,

Or a minnow

Or a bit of mist,

Or a well of stones over which water

Falls,

Cold, icy cold waters of the metaphors

Beyond time, penetrating death,

Stonesm blue, green and like eggs,

Full of life, Full of the knowledge

Of death, Full of secrets.

Love is like an arrow flying through

Air, slowing or is it speeding up? It

Is a flame, a fire, a lust, an  intention,

A desire.  Love is a needing and above all,

Love is freem and love is alive!

Love is alive, poetry is the music of

Cold water on stones in darkness,

Love is the arrow flying in the war.

War is dumb, huge, unforgotten,

War is a hurricane, a raging fever,

War is the throbbing heart on a sick

Bed.  War is fear, but where there is

Love there is a war and love Battle,

My love and I are At War;

What Time Have We For Poetry?

Yet, Constant as A Well, as thought,

Even thought. Sure as thought,

 Sure as the self we rage for, is

Poetry.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~THE END~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

, most likely,

Or reluctantly.

When it Comes To Us,

The Sound Of A Million Million Man

Army, The Shuffling

Of Arms! The Raising of Swords!

Banners! The

War Afar, The War, is the

Ways it is to be fought—

It being a call to war,

The peasant, I, hears

These things,

They stir up vague old sentiments,

Old longings;

Suddenly I see a great shocking

Future of merciless War, and that

Of a Great future Vast—

Yet, knowing these things to be illusions,

Or, at least,

Impossible,

Content thus with daily joys

Of the well-kept household,

The peasant me feels

Comfort in the

Wooden Spoon, Or

The Volume

Of Poetry By The Bed----

And Heeds

Not

This Wild Orchestra.

The Plain and Short of It Is This,

There is Wisdom in my heart,

And wisdom warns me to

Ignore, ignore,ignore.

To maintain a skeptical eye—

Nay!

To stay away from

--lest I too, should become

Enfolded unawares into the fierce

Kneading of that Brew.

I turn it Off,

Sensing Danger,

Something wrong---

And the Peace

Of the day, The Night,

The sun, the moon,

The changing seasons;

--gives me joy, and

I feel

Once again

Utterly

Safe and

Free.////

Moving On---

“On Life Together”

 October 12, 2010

Theodore lies on his side,

All night his arms Have Been Around me,

Or His Arm Resting On my Side,--as

We have been together a long time.

Theodore, is Stubborn.

And he is Kind.

He Is A Genteel

Southern Boy.

And

I would Be Loth

To Ever Find Another! Lo.

Theodore is

The which I am unable to replace,

The husband to my dreams all,

All, of my very very dearest dreams….

I pray deeply to be Married

As soon as Possible, and thereby,

To secure my future

In our love

In building

Dreams

With Him.

I want to live my life with Theodore,

I want us

To together find, build, follow our dreams.

All of Our Dreams, His And Mine, in my life;

I am full of dreams, though they be all

--All, ever-so-far-away from

Right now yet still I would like to share

 all and every bit of my

heart, my Life, With Thee,

Amen.////

“Mornings”

The Birds

And my Cat, Ludwig

Are all

I need to talk to

And they are my best

Joy

When I awaken

Each morning;

And

They are

Sweetest,

And they are

My little ones, my

Children,

And father is Busy

Right now, yet we

Look Forward to the Times

When He Will Take Us Up

Once more

In gentle arms, and

Talk with us.

The birds are so dear to us!

No, I would not change my life.

The future—can wait

The dream is not progress

The dream is building a home

For those I love

More dearly than

Ever.

I am very wise now,

And I feel,

That I go on with this claim that I’m

Sick

For the rest of my life if I have to.

I know what the world offers out there.

I have been rich, I have tasted the world’s

Riches;

Now, being poor, I am too weary

To work, too shy to make a difference

In the world nor make any difference,

Good or not,

I am weary and seek now to rest,

Rest, for God’s sakes—At Any Price!

I Do Not Care for the world’s Gaudy Claims,

I am not in Love with Money or Position,

Although I am a Queen in my Own World,

And Always Will Be----

Yet, I know this, or believe it to be

So—

That Money

Is not the source of happiness

That the world is as big as small

That it does not hardly matter

Whether I sit on a perfumed pillow

In Paris or a bit of Cardboard Scrap,

So long as there is food and shelter—

That all states of being are one, to me

That the worst—the only worst---thing that

Can happen—is

To die.

Life is sweet! Though one suffers or languishes!

////

“The Night We Discovered The Portrait Sign”

I can see it,

See it,

See

All of it,

Large

Block

Sign

On the highway

Billboard

Pastel stripe

Handcrafted

Extravaganza

Mailed

Photographs

To paint,

Money for

Our lives.

Lots of it, soon.////

When Theodore left today,

I wanted to cry.

It was in the way he kissed me goodbye

That I learned

He loved me as always.

It was in his solemn sober melancholy

And his dark deep eyes

That furtively glance

About his beloved, well-known home,

Our home.

It was in the way—the

Way

-that he looked at me,

That said,

“I Love You Forever.”

////

If I am alone, I am not lonely.//

“The Lost Boy”

Long Ephemeral Shores

Gauzy Breezeways

Haunted oak

Playground,

Abandoned

For

Ev

Er.////

“A Song of Glad Praise.”

Father, we lift up our voices in praise!

With all our hearts we thank thee!

Our Blessings are as innumerable as the stars!

May we bless those we can…

Bless us, Every One!

Lordm Bless us, we are tending to thee!

Bless us…with your loving presence and

That is all.  Please, I pray, I just

Don’t want to be living in fear anymore.

Jesus watcheth over this house, he forgives

All…I hope.

God, the lord, os welcome as can be here!

This be thy temple; oh this be thy

Sanctuary;

And I be…thy friend.  As is Theodore,

Bless his heart.  We are, all and every

One of us, your loving companions.

I only Pray now for husband and family,

And for me, not to live in fear…that

 is my prayer. Amen////

“Autumn Breakfast.”

Morning, Autumn day,

Late autumn;

The sky an opaque

clouds-with-blue.

The sunflowers

Huge, tall as the sky,

Above our heads,

In full bloom.

Cheerful Chaps n Ladies,

The little Parakeets!

Soft furred kittycat

Creeping about the

House

And garden,

Happily.

She has

A nest, a bed,

Under

My clother in the

Closet,

And a playground

In the bed’s

Mattress.

She is a young girl, my cat.

She is the apple of my eye.

Neighbors walk beneath

Our cheerful balcony

On the second floor.

I sit and watch the wind pass through

The leaves, murmuring as it rustles,

I sip tea, and breakfast on bread

I read poetry volumes and Monet from the libray

I Dream about portrait-work-signs and

Call loved ones and

Listen

To music

And miss my wonderful

Husband Theodore.

Oh Lord, I see!  The lord has blessed my life

As much as I could have ever wished.////

“Mother Earth”

Blessed are we

That have seeds of

Blossom and herb,

Root, and fruit,

Toi plant in the

Loamy soil of

A rooftop garden.

Blessed are his plans,

Blessed are his ways,

Blessed is prayer, song,

And praise;

Blessed—

is the  earth, which

with sun, mineral,

earth and rain,

forever brings to life

new lives, plants,

creatures large and small,

and nestles them deep

and free in her ferny

bosom.

His wife, bringing forth

Life—

To its children, the children

Of the stars, of the

Great abyss, of the

Void.

Life—a seed rests in bosomy

Earth among dim

Stars.

Tomorrow, another moon rising,

Another dawn, dusk, day,

Always and always, another

Day.

Bless The Mother Earth!

Amen.////

The ebb-tides

You see, my heart, buoyed

Far-off flags, county,

Community, belonging,

Beauty, death, people.

“A Week With Theodore and I in 2011”
--A Short Story to my husband.

I.

I wait breathless every second

Growing older, older, then—wait!

I Hear it—Far, and near, and very far---

Is it he?  Forsooth!

Lord help me, is it he?

A stranger startles the dusts of time’s sanctuary.

--No—it wasn’t Theodore.

Sunlight through panes, falling on our dim eyes.

---Is it he?---

Nothing.

Twenty minutes pass.

Cat stands poised, ears forward, silent,

Birds in Cage, don’t sing, expectant,

Good God!  What’s taking Theodore so long?

We shall starve….or…shh…..

As we, me and the little ones, wait for our prince,

Theodore,

Breathless,

The world ceases revolving.

One could hear a pin fall.

Our hearts are brimming to bursting,

I look my very best—what, what,

What’s this?

I draw my shawl about me, blue grey,

The color of my eyes,

And I come, glance halfhearted

Through the window.

It is just when you don’t expect it….I suppose………….

It is Theodore.  HE is Getting out of a car, smiling!

He is carrying a laundry basket on his shoulder, smiling, a

Shy, heart-wrenching, gentle, deep, half-smile….

My heart seizes with ecstasy I cry out, Scream!

Good God! It is Theodore!—

“Theodore! Theodore! Chris, Chris!”

I shout, as—quick, unlock the door—

And run to the balcony where Our

Sunflowers Greet Our Beloved Theodore.

I cannot breathe with joy. 

I cannot but scream his name.

I cry out his name, over and over again.

HE is With a man, they laugh,

Then Theodore is at the door!

I open the door….

The man leaves with a kind smile

And  a blessing of sorts…..

Then Theodore and I Are Alone in the house!

Amen.

II.

Then We Kiss, then go out to the balcony garden,

Then Hold eath other, God!  Then We

Set about cooking dinner.

There is skillets and pots, fried foods he cooks

Okra, fried corn, and fried chicken

(He breads it by hand) with barbecue sauce!

He cooks me dinner.

I eat gratefully as can be.  I sing,

Babble, cry, I—

Aye, such Bliss was not meant

 for we mortals on earth, surely!

We talk.

The birds chatter, joyous and beautiful and singing.

Ludwig is missing him and rubs his legs.

He lifts her up, and tickles her.

“Wife? Birds? Cat? Flowers? Home?” He Seems to say.

He checks on each one of us, we proudly

Hold our heads to the sun.

Yes, Yes, Yes, Then---

We go to the bedroom,

And he holds me, rocks me,

And we make love,

(I don’t remember)

But we make love,

And kiss deeply.

Oh, I do—

We come together desperately,

A new feeling—

Ecstasy—

Deep kisses,

God we are in love!

“Marry Me”, he breathes. “I do.”

Then we hold each otherm

Then we play video games

On our playstation2,

Then we sleep in one another’s arms.

We sleep hard, pressed against one another,

His arms around me, my cheek to his chest,

III.

The next day, he walks to the store and buys

A bottle of wine, movies and chocolate

Candy bars.

We cook a pork loin, with soup, broth,

And sugar, and many other ingredients.

There are sweet potatoes and corn.

Then there is my soup---

Theodore was sleeping, as he is now.

That morning I made a Hearty pot of

Chicken and Rice Soup from scratch.

We eat bowls of it, with sour cream.

I eat it for days, until it is all gone.

Sweet potatoes with butter,

 pork loin roast with sweet mustard glaze,

 and soup.  We drink our wine.

Then Theodore takes up my paper, and draws.

I bring out colored pencilsm oil pastels, erasers,

Pencils---He Draws very seriously, a portrait of me.

I hang it on the wall.

We had watched movies that day, evening

And as we watched we fell in love as always,

Holding hands.  I felt like a good woman

In his arms.

IV.

That night we Watched Disney’s “Prince of Persia”,

And we both loved it—we were

 the prince and princess! 

We slept….

V.

The next day, the voices that I hear in my head

that no one else can hear

---they grew together in my mind

Into a raging fever and I screamed

And cursed and threatened the cruel voices with

The cruelest threats I could imagine.

They only got worse and worse----

Then I was so ashamed.  The Voices didn’t stop.

Theodore drove his car race game and I was following

Inside in my heart

As we outran the voices

And then he held me

And then we made love.

I was too cruel to the voices,

I was afraid, and

I was Punished, for Theodore had seen.

VI.

For Two Days—The Voices droned on and on in endless

Cruelty, taunting, laughing, twisting my heart

Andmind.  I fought them off bravely.

Theodore Held Me.  We held Each Other.

I drank all his wine to numb the pain.

Theodore was very angry about that.

I was drunk, yelling at him about nothing.

Then I lay down, and he went and

Sat silently on the porch.

Then I asked, hungover, if he would

Put in a Jewel CD to soothe me,

Soon he came in and held me,

And we clung together, together.

The Voices raged for days.

My Grandmother gave me a new medication.

I took it, and….

Instantly, the “voices” went away!

Then, Peace…

Part II.

That Night, Last Night, We went walking

About the neighborhood, and laughing

 in the dark.  I wore earrings

and a little black dress and a jacket.

The police, a cop car, drove around,

And we we afraid.  We hurried back home

Upstairs to our apartment.

Then We Called in Chinese Takeout Delivery.

A beautiful Chinese girl brought the food

 to our door. I was afraid to lose Theodore,

so I dressed up and put makeup on.

  Pale lipstick, pale face, black eyes.

Sweet and Sour Chicken, Egg Rolls,

Honey Chicken, and Fried Rice. 

Fortune Cookies, and we

Ate.

Then we played wideo games.  I started

 To fall asleep as he turned off the TV,

And he came to me and lay over me.

Then I took off his clothes and we made love.

As We Made Love a terrible thunderstorm

Came, Lightning crashed and rain poured.

But We didn’t notice!

But HE had to stop when a lightening

Bolt knocked out the power.

All went Black.  I cried out,

“Oh God!  Did you lock the door?”

We couldn’t see anything!

The Power had gone out.

We looked outside, and there was

Lightening flashing, pouring down rain,

A wild wind, a thunderstorm…

Lights Flickered on just long enough for me to find

A lighter and candles.  Then it went out.

We groped for each other in the dark, lost.

“I’ll meet you on the bed,” I said.

We did.  I lit a bright candle, it filled the room with

An eerie glow.  The lightening and thunder flashed.

Theodore then lit candles all around the house.

Bathroom, living room, kitchen.

He downloaded a weather map on his cell phone

And showed me the storm.

I was frightened.  MY pills began to make me

Fall asleep and I did,

As Theodore

Played the Cello

In the candlelit living room.

The Power Came on around 4:30 AM,

And we slept in each other’s arms,

He murmured that he had played the cello

There a long time after I fell asleep.

Today is another Day…..////

THE END

Thought 1:

Lightly, we tread

The footsteps of a near-

-perfect horizon

The film, the gauze, the

Ether,

Fear—

And a rose,

Sore pain,

A thorn,

Absorption,

Soup, chicken

With rice,

Dim stars,

Wail of time

Against the oceans

Of our sanctuary.

How vast this clock

But vaster, time---

Is moving—

Fast, now slow,

Then fast, then

-blink-flash-

Darkness—

It’s Gone.

Thought 2:

Slivers of water-minnow-rivulets

Meander this way-that way down

Bare legs

Or a rose filled vase;

This is being a woman,

Who, in her warm home, feels

The distant echoes of the

Faint distant beach-strewn

Starsm and their seas,

Plunging against, lapping

Cold shores.

Oh moon,

Oh Moon!//

“A Portrait of Me:

Self-Portrait Poem.”

A young woman sits by a window and door

Opening onto a large balcony overlooking

A busy street.

She sits at a desk with a lamp in the window

And paintings, a calendar, and pens.

Paintbrushes are everywhere, and feathers,

Tiny as infant eyelashes, baby blue and zebra-

Striped, yellow and pearly white, down adrift

In the oriental carpet beneath a

Bird cage filled with dear pet birds.

She is wearing a red satin robe that resembles

A Japanese kimono, with red and plack design.

She is Twenty Four Years Old.

There is a cup of Green Tea, a mug, by her

Elbow.

She is thinking about monet, and about

Where she is at the moment.

(She is me in a suspended moment by

The grace of God, Glory be to God)

Her Kittycat is sleeping, and wants to go out

On the balcony are herbs, marigolds,

Lettuce, garlic, sweet peas, basil,

Pumpkin plant, grass plants, ferns, fuzzy

Red flowers, orchids, a greast rose bush,

And morning glories.  Also sunflowers

 especially a 10-foot tall on in full

yellow blossom about a foot across.

Outside is the falling of leaves

And of cars rising and falling, and the

Neighbors walking and lounging on the

Grass below.  And in this moment, I

Am very happy.  Amen////

“A Young Woman and the Moon.”

The Evening moonlight in an eastern garden.

 Hot dew.  Sleepy home overlooking

The town, overlooking the sky,

The sun rises each morning.

As I drink my tea I dream

OF loves to be won in mansions

Of my heart, Of Love

And My Theodore.

“Sleep Land”

When We Sleep—

How Far, Away, then, is the moon!

“Dreaming of---“

Far away,

On the tides of

The everlasting sea,

My heart

A bridge

Or on a bridge,

Stones, even

The symbol of stones

These black

Wet

Round

Smooth

Stones—

God’s tears.

Kisses Here, smiles,

Raucous laughter,

Toughing, kissing,

Flirting, chasing

Dreaming—

Of someone I love---////

“Dreams 2”

It is possible to touch heaven

It is possible to hold winged angel’s souls

Within your heart,

Love—

The thread

Without love,

Do not tread

These paths

Love is the entryway

Love is the key

Love is the gate.

The journey

Is within

The heart.///

“Time.”

One Day I, too, will be deadm

And one day I, too will tread

The immortal invisible realms,

Where our bodies are, too.

One Day, when loved ones pass over,

The remaining will again cry.

Allelujah, let us go into that dark land,

Let us tread those ephemeral shores.

Our family! Our Loved Ones!

Then we will tear at our hair and

Beat our chests and wail among dim stars,

And slowly we, too, shall pass over.

Is it possible that the pain of separation

Is made to make sweet the reuniting of us?

Fall, winter, Spring, Summer…

If you ask, where is heaven,

How do I get to visit, I say,

Go to sleep

And You Can remember.

Call out your beloved’s name.

Amen.////

“Forest Walk”.

Oh Friend,

God Filleth my Cup

God filleth my cup

To running over

But this is not

The reason, the

Gift.

Some days

I get the chance

To walk

In the forest

God’s Forest,

Hand in hand

With the Lord

Snapping Twigs

Spider Web Sticks

Soft Beds of Leaves

Grey Trunks

Old Trees

Baby Trees

Ferns

Mosses

Mushrooms

Lichens

I walk wild

God my Father

I am a little girl

 a young girl

he is my father

we talk about

the beauty

of the forest

I Love God.

“TULIPS”

Oh, When Will The Tulips Come Up?

When Will the soft young Crocus

Children peep their heads out of

 the snow-ridden, tremulous

earth?

How many worlds have past since

I saw you last in a dream!

When will the young nubs of leaflets

Shoot out from the earth? The

-branches- of- a-

Pear Tree. (!)

How I long to see a pear tree!

How I long to see the kiwi

Vine, the ferny bosom of the

 Forest, The lost Cause of Our

South, Our South,-- that is-

Our Home.

“To A Cat Ludwig”

What Thinkest thoum oh spotted

Cat?  Thou art too sweet for my

Words.  Until the grey mists

Let off the dusk, until my heart’s

Ice caverns thaw, mon petite chat,

I love Thee……

//I suffer among trees, oh the

Lilies are lovely-they are—

Oh, what lilies?  /Then This:

Summer’s Lilies.  Indeed, this

 summer’s lilies must be altogether

something spectacular.//

THE SCATTERING OF STARS, A Short Story.

1.

//When I was a little girl

The grownups never asked me things like

“What do children know”

They Weren’t

 City-Folk;

City-folk do that

Sort of thing.

No; they didn’t say a wordm

The meandering roads, the highway,

Our shared life force,

The Gas Stations as Beacons

In the night./

The Red Clay, and, the

 Grasses, and bales of hay,

and the peaches,

and the wildflowers,

and the scrubby pine woods

and the mill town in its mill valley

With a river running through it

And the stars, mighty big

sky,

and stars comin on on

crisp winter nights

on clear nights when

the moon was white milk,

--And them stars was blue,

And if you looked hard at one,

A little red.  Oh, and the cows.

2.  Them cows all around

The school and all grazing in the

Vale of the decaying mill, dead now,

Its ghost whistle still roaring

At some haunted shift-change

And there were ghosts

And I guess them ghosts

Was goto work but

goin’ to workin’, cause

They left the lights on in those

Huge windows, and you couldn’t

See a thing but shadows.

And the people who were still

Alive in their

Mill houses

Felt like getting up and goin

To work but

Their bodies were all a-falling apart

Cause half of them had lung

Cancer, owing to all the

Asbestos

From guiding the looms.

Children used to work there, from the

Age of eight or ten,

---Now the children are in school, their

Great-grandchildren,

They in school.

I guess that pretty much sums it up;

But know this, that

Highway never ends,

And I keep wantin to go home, and

That’s what I did, 

I can feel God

In that place.

I wanna be lonely.

I may die an be buried in the

red clay, amd I ain’t

feeling so good myself.

So We all Dying, together,

Something like—

Menstrual blood,

and I just want a baby.///

3. “Silence”

Sing, Choirs of angels!  Sing Allelujahm

A child sleeps in the night, and he wakes

Up and looks out his window all night

Cause there’s something out there big

And real, An he can feel it coming.

An he ten years old, and his sister eight,

An he lonesome as a dove at sea.

An he ain’t dying, no---

But That Living Room, That Cabin, its

Full of beer cans, liquor, smokes,

And playboys.  Nothings to eat but

 canned goods and yams.

And if he’s looking for a bruisin’

his drunk daddy’ll beat the hell out of

his forehead and he’ll taste

blood

 in his mouth, an he’ll feel better

Like He’s just done something for himself,

It’s just Jacob and His Little Sister Agnes, Eight,

Against the world….

Somethin, something real bad out there,

Like

Ghosts---

And Jacob’s gonna figure it out,

This House aint Nothing But Home,

Even though his mama’s in heaven.

It’s warm inside, and theres his father.

Alcoholic.  Life is hard. And he is—

Home.

The Secret: You Know What’s out there in those

Muggy piney woods?

GOD.  God Himself.

God Watching Over this little house in this little town.

Amen.

 The End.

Angel: A Short Story

Once upon a time, on a

Faraway planey, a cry

Was heard the whole

Planet round.

Not that there was much

on the planet; all its

people

being made

of

stone. 

For God, God

Hadn’t breathed the whole

Breath of life into them,

But only made them stone people.

One day,

A Puppy Was Born

In the stone

Wilderness.

At first there was nothing.

Nothing but stone.  Then

There was a cry, and

A little warm newborn puppy

All swaddled in cloth.

She was crying, for she was

New to being alive, having

Just been born from thin stone.

Or Created.

Far Away in the vacuum

Of Space

 an Angel

Named

Gabriel

Was flying with

A divine message,

An everyday message,

Through vacant void.

All around there was

Heavenly light and

warmth and light

to Gabriel—but

only to Gabriel, for he

was an angel.

  To any mortal. It was

a vacuum and a void.

Each time the

Archangel Gabriel Beat His

Magnificent Great

Golden-white Wings,
God sped him on.

And he went a light-year

Each time he beat

his great pounding wings.

He Came To The Swaddling Puppy,

And loved her,

And He Married Her There,

They Lived There And Brought

The Planet To Life, Like

The Garden of Eden

And Genesis.

And They Lived,

 Happily Ever After.

The End.

Snow flows on cherry blossoms

My heart is crying

When will we be alone again?

Snow on your little Boyish

Eyelashes,

Jesus Loves You, Little Chris,

Jesus once said, in the bible

“I fed the three thousand

with the four loaves/

Why Worry Ye What

 thou Shalt Wear or Eat?

Be as the lily-of-the-valley. 

The Lily

Has nothing

At all,--yet even the greatest of men

Are nothing to the least

Of the lilies of the field.”

Amen.

Haikus:

Bitterly I Weep

Under the Shades of the Cherry

Wet Petals fall

Will I see you again

Ku-to Yen, in Ku-to-Yen?

Stones and I die for you.

I died for you, friend

I ate of my heart

I will see you again

In this life

Or the next

Under Green Boughs

The emperor comes to me.

He brings a jar of honey.

We shared Wine

That night my love

I would die for you

In the street

Spring comes

It is nativity

My hearth is where the earth

Is not frozen

The village is our home

Our name is high here

Sun Dynasty

Palace on the Hill

Cold Snow Falls on me

This Day of Christ’s Birth

I want oranges and apple blossom

We will feast this night together

At willolyn we will part

I will take your love

Deep into the satin bedsheets

And you will rain Joy

On your sleeping child

Rain is a God

God is Rain

Rain Is soft

 and Small

no heart is not cleansed

by the gentle rain

“Angels”

No, I don’t believe we could live

Without angels.

Else who would carry us when we

Fall,or how should I walk, or breathe,

Or sing?

How could there be

 Joy On Earth

 Among Men

Without Angels?

Without Gaurdian Angels

For every one of us

We would never make it

I believe this

All you have to do is pray

And endure.

“Have you ever met an angel?”

Have you ever met an angel?

I thought I saw one yesterday when

I was weeping

It helped me to

Cry

 I know that

It was an angel

Because

It was so kind

And compassionate

I talk to angels every day

Here

It only snows once

Or twice a year,

From January to march

---And then he took me

into his arms and we

spun around and around

and I was thin and I could

Run like a deer.  I took him

Into my arms and held him

My leg wasn’t crippled then

And then I threw open my

Arms and took the electric energy

In the air into my palms

And into my heart

I stood there

Breathing in sharply

I was praying for

a rainstorm

the next day

it rained

“The Star-Place Where I am Haunted”

Inside, In that place Where Spirit

Wanders, Dwells, Loves, Wonders, Fears,

In That, that placem that place

That is lonely, that place

That you can’t see without looking

With

The heart;

There is a blue, cold, distant Star,

And It is Alone in Icy Space,

Far through Time and light,

Where life is not,

And I dwell there, cold, shivering,

Forever alone on my Blue Star,

Made of White Stone, not-living,

Only there; and sentient

But not alive,

And there like an old tree

I fish the Lakes

On Ice Caps, I Look From

The Furthest Reaches of the Cliffs,

Into Chasms of Sapphire Water and

Shadow,

Of Deep Slow Solitude,

Alone,

Fishing;

This is where my soul

Resides in these

Warm, Bosomy, Hearthside

Days.

It is the secret Sadness Within Me,

The Secret That Knows Of Time.

That which springs Forth Ancient Wisdom

And is Wise, like God.

I fear it Haunts me,

And as I kiss my husband at a lamplit

Family dinner surrounded by family and friends

I draw my overcoat around me, feel the coffee mug

In my frightened fingers, and glow, warm, safe, alive.

Let it Be.

“On a New Book”

Father, I think, I just realized

That my Star-home Vision

Is the setting of my second novel,

Set on another world, or

A distant star.

It is another world,

Perfect for dreaming.

It is the image I keep

Imagining—

Maybe I will write a book

About it.

“Starlight”

October 12, 2010

A Poem:

“Hearing The Call To Arms”

When To Our Ears It Reaches

The Sound of a Call To War,

We Hear It With The sleepy

Ears of the Peasant who is

Blissful in the liberties

Of the Forest, the Dishes,

And a family, and who

Would Not Have a War

Would Not Leave A Warm

Hearth

For Much Reason,

Scarce

To Take to arms