Goodness is hidden in little secret Places
Tears Shed Form A Barrier Wall That Strengthens and Heals
Goodness is hidden in little stores and nooks and crannies
the goods the sellers sell are never ending and how beautiful
the foods the chefs cook are endless and so filling and satisfying
sometimes the best way to spend a day off is alone, with oneself
goodness in the heart is growing and becoming Who You Are
It does not matter what happens as Long As You Are Good.
In Jesus' Name,
Amen

"The Story of Theodore"
Once Upon A Time There Was A Boy.
He Was a homeless Orphan.
He Had A Pet Dragon
He Fell In Love With A Witch Sorceress
He Moved To Her Kingdom and Became a Prince
She Made Many many magic spells and enchantments for him
she wrote great stories
he got a job at a bar, then several bars
He ate lunch at restaraunts
He Saw Angels
Miracles Happened
They Lived Happily Ever After.
The End.

"The Power OF Sleep"
You Know...i thought it was going to take
some superior argument, some ethical qenius to survive,
some greater speeches than i could even begin to imagine,
and i realized i have my limits as a writer.  But then something happened.
I fell asleep.  I slept for days, on and off.  Sleep was the answer.  Im healing
I never thought something physical like sleep, could keep me alive, and heal me
but when i get long hours of sleep, the natural survival instinct takes control
and i can't even remember what i was talking about.  Sleep.  It heals just about anything.
Especially sadness.  I am healing through the power of sleep.
In Jesus Christ's Name,
Amen!////

"Pain"
I couldn't breathe, i was so afraid,
my imagination unraveled and i fell
i prayed to God so Hard i didn't get an answer
Felt the Pain of Loneliness, mixed emotions
But Mostly Acute Pain, Shame, Guilt, The Feeling
That I Could be doing something better with this life
That I should be doing better with the ones i love
With the house, keeping it clean, i just wanna cry
Cry and Cry and Cry and Cry, I wish you were here
Just wanna live my life, all this pain falling around me
like curtains falling down or my eyelids closing at night
I just wanted to let the fishing line unravel and let the scrapes bleed
to feel the pain and cry, to feel better after all the pain
Tomorrow's gonna be a brighter day, i believe in this
In Jesus' Name,
Amen

"Home"
Home Is The Place You Feel Comforted
It's The little piece of Heaven Life Affords
Home is a book and a cup of tea in bed,
home is the comfortable place you lie your head
You don't have to have a weary day to come home
You can come home all day every day forever
You can fall into the pillows deeper and deeper
It's never an end to the concept of Cozy, of Soft,
Of Cuddling, Of Pain Pills and Anxiety Medications
Of Milk Eggs and Bread, Of a kettle of hot tea on the boil
of a soothing song, of an ambience, of soft lighting
of a warm comforter, of a computer, of a jewelry box
on a makeup table where i can become beautiful and then
effortlessly wipe it away and be my human self again
Of rainy days through big windows, Of Balcony Gardens
Of little pots of herbs and mosses, basil and roses
Of Loving arms around you at close of day
Of the daily news and sitcoms, or bookshelves of books
Years and years of old Fashion Magazines, of A Coffeemaker
May One Find A Little Peace Here, In The Comforts of Home
Time to unwind, time to think, time to unravel and cry and laugh
Home is the place you feel Comforted
In Jesus' Name,
Amen

"Shaky Ground"

At 30 years old, I find myself crying and asking God "Why????"

Why Can't We Get Married After All These Years?

Why Can't We Settle Down and Stop The Endless Shaky Ground?

Why am I robbed the Security of a Future, The Security of Money?

Why Is Time Draining my life away as a price to be with the one I love?

Why All the instability, insecurity of not having a home to own?

Why am I forever forced to battle the addictions, unceasing?

Why Won't My Mate Come Home, after all these years of praying?

Why do We have to wait to Get Old To Be Together Again?

Why don't we have any money, after all our hard work?

Why are we fighting and why is he mean to me and hateful?

Why do I keep turning the other cheek and pray all day for him to come home?

Lord God, Why All This Senseless Suffering?

What disgrace have I found in God's Eyes that would render me a life of constant pain?

And Why Can't We Have Children?

In Jesus' Name,

Amen.///

"Come Home"
Come Home and I'll Finally Pour You Your Very Own Pot Of Hot Tea,
We'll Buy You A Computer and You Can Get On Youtube All Day
We Can Put Our Desks Together and Sit And Listen To Music,
All Day Every Day, And Momee will give us money to go out to dinner
sometimes, and dad will pay all the bills-- you can sleep late every morning
for the rest of your life!  And Still Have Your Car!  Come Home, Darling,
Once And For All!
In Jesus' Name,
Amen!

"You Don't Have To Surrender To Come Home"
You Don't Have To Surrender anything to Come Back Home
Collapse in my arms at close of day and I, I will hold you
It has been my wish to hold you in my arms for several years
You don't have to surrender any of the things you love to come home
Just love me, love our home, I will take you home, We Will Rest Here
In All our labors of all these years, We Will reap the fruits of our hard work
All my waiting and praying and writing must surely have a reward
And your work, must have a reason and a reward, so come home every night
and whenever you grow weary of working, may you collapse here, retire,
my father is Rich And He Will Pay All Of Our Bills!
May You Come Home Once And For All, Whenever you grow Weary
You don't have to surrender your jobs, just come home every night
and hold me and I will hold you in my arms, For By God, I know
I Love You!  I will wait for you, and I won't ever judge you at all.
In Jesus' Name,
Amen.

"When I Was Weary"
When I Was Weary I Collapsed On Your Shores
And Felt The Ocean of the Past Kissing Me Gently
As Waves Set Me Free, I Found The Courage to stand
And Weakly Walk Into a New Beginning
In JEsus' NAme,
Amen!///

"If You Are That Cruel"
If You Are That Cruel, Then I May Have Been Wrong
When I Took You In Long, Long years ago
If upon my death thee art intending
and in thy meanness never ending
finding myself weeping at remembering
the Sweetness that Was Once Thy Being
Never Knew thee shouldst become a demon
So mean, so cold, so hateful seeming
If You Are That Cruel, Then I Will Hold You
And Pray the devil hence from thee be leaving
that god may shine light to end my grieving.
In Jesus' Name,
Amen!////

"While Gently I Lay Weeping"
While Gently I Lay Weeping
Cold Into My Heart Was Seeping
Deeply Broken and beyond Greiving
I sought in death a future meaning
With Prayer That, Should Cease Living
My heart should cease its ever breaking
Yet God Revealed to me the meaning
Of Death Was Horrible infinity seeming
As Though a trap for souls Who Lay Bleeding
An Angel Save My Life From Ending

"After surviving Suicide"
When I Had Survived Suicidal Intentions
--you see, I nearly killed myself yesterday
i don't clearly remember why, some heartbreak
which i truly believed i could never overcome in this life
therefore i was determined to die.  To take my own life seemed wise.
I'm so glad I didn't.  I almost lost my life  My World  My Hopes and Dreams
Because I was in too much pain and Theodore was being cruel
What saved me was Theodore's kindness and when a man tells you
that you're beautiful, or a joke utters itself from one's lips just before
commiting the deed, one cannot help but searingly giggle at
something random, something silly, and one wonders what on earth
one is about to commit such an act, and one finds oneself very lost and alone
then your husband comes home and he holds you so tight, is kind to you
you find it inside yourself that you are being unreasonable, that life is
worth living, that you have everything to live for
Life is that Fragile, suicide is a demon that smothers the hearts
of the heartbroken and illusions them that their lives are hopeless
if they survive they will wake up the next day grateful to Be Alive
I don't think you can ever be cured of it, it's heartbreak that causes it
and when people are kind to you or live you back, it heals you
suicidal thought strike the heartbroken and unloved
the cure is to be treated with kindness, to be loved and coddled and held
a simple compliment or acknowledgement can save a person's life
One can only try to prepare for the times that pain will come in the future
One can never really be healed, heartbreak happens
In Jesus' Name,
Amen.

"The Innocence in a Childlike Love"
The Innocence In A Childlike Love
Is a beautiful thing fragile and yet strong
The love that mothers have for their children
The love A Child has for His Mother
This is the innocence that birthed our love
No Children Will come of this love and yet
We are ourselves one another's children, and siblings
Best Friends, Husband and Wife, Mother and Father, Brother and Sister
We fulfill all and every part of these loving duties to one another
our love is like a tree that blooms in spring and is lovely in winter
and in between our sense of humour is a lush green foliage we play in
like little children, we fight and kiss and chat and cheat and play
Playing is the best part of our love, we tease one another and make jokes
Laughter always the culprit behind our meanest schemes, we
love one another dearly, and so when our humiliating mutual betrayal occurred,
We found our love was greater, and our sense of humor was greater
and we are forgiving one another finding it in our hearts
To forgive one another's digressions into sins, wandering eyes
We yet share a bond that i believe could be broken at all
The Innocence in A Childlike Love
In JEsus' Name,
Amen.///

"Story of my Life"
She Lived A Life Of Perpetual Pain and Hardship
A Strong Woman, She Refused to Wear Any Makeup
She Didn't like to see herself to be dominated by men
And Because of her Religion,  She didn't want to die
She lived a life of constant hardship and suffering
Pain was a way of Living, of Getting By, She Wrote Poems
Knowing Nobody Would Ever Read Them, endless Poetry
She refused to die she refused to let her husband break her heart
She refused to let them see her cry She refused to cry out in pain
Stubborn and Kind, She Prayed Constantly She didn't really want fame
She didnt want money or power or luxury or beauty she was selfless
She Considered herself A Female Preist of Christ, and on every night
That Her Husband Refused To Come Home, Her Heart Would Crack Inside
Yet She Never broke.  Her Beloved Tree, China, Saw Her Dying of Suicide in Pain
And Because China Loved Her More Than Life, The Tree Cast Down Its Branches in Greif
And Told her she loved her as China lay dying, She came twice to pour water on her tree
And Wept Bitterly until they put police tape around her tree, yet still, in the wind,
Her Tree China still calls to her in the breeze, begging her to survive, to yet live on
Although heartbreak and sickness, police and poverty and the voices raged in her head,
Yet She Refused To Sacrifice Her Life Nor Her Dignity.  They Would Have To Murder Her.
She Swore Revenge in her time of need and Cursed the Devil She imagined the Promised Land
She Prayed She Cried She Was A Hero She Endured Suffering that would have caused most men to
kill Themselves.  Yet She Endures.  Because the point of life is Not Happiness The Point Of Life is God, Is Passing the test of this mortal life, is purity and to give drink to the thirsty and the hungry
She lived a life so painful that, even if she surrendered to Satan and died there, she would have Gone
To A Better Place.  Even Six Feet Under Decaying and Nonexistence is better than constant pain
if there is a heaven, she has earned all of it already.  If not, she looked forward to an end to her pain
The mercy of death is that it cannot promise an afterlife, yet it at least guarantees the end of all pain.
Nonetheless, She Never Lost Faith In Jesus.  God Was Her Only True Father, The One In HEaven
She looked Forward to rest after a long life, she was tired of suffering.  She Was So Brave!
In JEsus' Name,
Amen

"My Miracle"
I May Not Be Able To
 Have A Baby, But Yet,
I Do Have A Special Unique
Gift, An Ability, I Can Create
Miracles From My Heart:
I Can Take A Blank Page
And Put Down Poems and art
That Are Miracles, They Are,
My Babies, My Art, My Poetry,
They Are My Children
I Can Take A Blank Page And
Create Something From Nothing
Something Gorgeous
Something True
Something that Shines A Light
It's A Miracle, a magic Power,
My Womanly Ability To Create
Is My Ability To Make Something
Beautiful Out Of Empty Space
Out Of Nothing, Just Like God!
In Jesus' Name,
Amen!

"Selflessness, Compassion, and Gratitude"
Selflessness and Gratitude are so precious in This evil, Cruel world
Lucifer is Lurking in the Darkness, And We Feel Like Warrior Angels
So Many People Don't Know How Loved They Are, If They Felt Loved
If They Felt The Love Of God, Of Loved Ones, Of Family and Husband,
Then They Might, like me-- grasp at the Ideal, the Paragon, That Is Gratitude.
Gratitude is the sweetest emotion to feel.  It comes after guilt and after Acts of Mercy
God's Grace Gave Us This Emotion Called Gratitude.  If Each Of Us Humans Would
Look Outside Of Ourselves, Outside of Our Personal Problems, Our Internal Demons
With Whom We Battle, If For an Instant, that every single Human Being could Be Selfless
Could look outside of Themselves and Be Compassionate and To Love Someone Else More
More Than You Love Yourself.  Gratitude Holds The Hands of Selflessness, they are Children
Pausing For A Moment Of Grace At The Tongues Of The Sea, On The Beach, Feet in the Sand,
Preparing To Make The Most Out Of The Sunny Beach Day That Is Called Life
And Do You Love Anyone More Than You Love Your Own Self?  If You Do,
Then You Are Truly Wise, Have Found True Happiness People Do not realise
how much they love one another Satan Blinds Us the Grace of God Is To Love
To Love One Another, A Man and A Woman, Becoming One Flesh,
And Taking On The World Together, For Better Or For Worse, This is Love
People get Divorced From The One They Love Most Because They are too selfish
To look outside of themselves and compassionately see their Spouse's Struggles
and Suffering, To Hold Their Hand Out To Pull Their Spouse Up, In The Dead Of Night
Selflessness is marriage, Selflessness is love, Selflessness will Open our Own Selfish Hearts
And Eyes, To Look Beyond Ourselves and Our Pain, and Recognize Suffering in another Person.
Gratitude, Be Grateful, Know That You Are Loved More Than You Can Ever Fathom!
Love The Ones Who Love You, and Be Thankful, Be Grateful for their suffering that you see
because very few people have the hearts or time to look outside of themselves and see one another's pain, and how hard they worked to earn the money to put food on your table lord it makes me cry
when i eat the delicasies theodore brings home to me washed pure with the sweat of his Blood
and it is the fruit of his Hands, of His Heart, It's His Way of telling me he loves me.
I feel loved and I am Grateful this night, Yet So many nights I have Been Blinded By
My Own Personal Selfishness And Pain, that I didn't See Him Suffering anddidn't feel thankful.
In Jesus' Name,
Amen

I Held You So Close As The Bullets Rained Down,
I Never Loved You More Than Now, I Never Knew
What It Was To Love, To Tru Love, Until You Have To Be
The One Who Pulls The Weight Of Our Load, together, I am Strong
As The Bullets Rained Down I Knew We Had To Run Through The Jungle
And I Knew A Lot Of Other Things, The Things That A Mother Instinctively Knows
When She's Saving Her Little Baby's Life, My Little Boy, I am a Human Shield
I Look At Chris and see he's scared and crippled and clueless and looking to me.
I look at me and see a genius madly in love with Chris, a lamb, and I am wiser than hell.
It fills me with a feeling of responsibility; that I must Use My Mind and
Chris Will Use His HEart, Because it's his heart You're all Breaking
I am a human shield, Immune to the government's bullets
maybe that's because I went to college for eight years and have life expericnce
But I'm A Human Shield, Immune Generally, Brainstorming all of the things
That I've Ever Dreamed I Could Give To My Husband, And Look Into His Eyes
And I Try To Reassure Him It Will Be Alright, As The Bullets Rain Down All Around
This is What It Feels Like To Be A Mother; I Believe Chris's Mother Chose Me
From Heaven, Chose Me, Me, Only Me, To Take Care Of Him, Keep Him Alive
Through a rain of Bullets My Lamb I Will Shield You From Inhumanity
When My Fire, my life, flickers out, someday, I pray I can save your life from heaven
Theodore, You Will Always Be My Little Lamb....You Got The Food, I Got The Shelter
You Run Through The Jungle, and I Will Keep This Fort Held Down So Safe And Tight
You'll always want to come back home, you'll always miss your warm bed and my arms
In my arms I tenderly hold you so close.  Did you know that I love Know.  Did You Know
That You're Still Alive, That I am Taking Care of You, Saving You, Providing For You,
I am going to live to see you grow old and Die Of Old Age, That's All I Really Want Of Life!
You, Theodore, Are Somehow Going To Grow Old, Because I
I am Going To Continue Saving Your Life.  Human SHield,
I am holding you so Damnedly Tightly No I Don't Fear Them
The Devil's In The Details,//// Ironically.////  That Makes Me Smile, Gives Me Courage!
I Love You Theodore!
In Jesus' Name,
Amen.

When The Bullets Rained Down I Held You In My Arms
Death Isn't So Scary a Threat When One Is In Love
When One Is In Love, The Only Thing To Fear In Life
Is Your Soulmate Leaving You, Losing The One You Love So
It's easy to run into a bullet rain when you're In Love

I Wish To God Above, That I Could Explain To
The Rest Of The World, Who Theodore is in his private time,
and why he is so quiet.  He is a peaceful, youthful, innocent, loving,
gentle, kind spirit, like a very wise child who hasn't realised he
should be acting like a grown up, almost as though he were retarded.
but not in a bad way!  He seems to be childlike and helpless
And I Love him so much, that he tells me secrets with his body language
like when he holds me while we sleep, or kisses me, or
walks about the house, or looks at me,---he's communicating all the time.
he and i are really disabled, we shouldn't hold jobs.  if i took him to a doctor
they would say "He is very sick. Even Disabled."  I am confident in this
it bothers me that he has to do manual labor all day to support
 a son he rarely gets to see.  But, Yet he really does love and cherish his son,
almost even stronger than his natural love for me.  We are a Family,
A Family, not a sexual relationship, at this point.  We get through out days
thinking of each other and both know were missing each other without saying anything.
One could call this crazy, or foolish assumption, on my part, that
he really loves me madly and hopelessly, that we are
Forever, That I am His "Better Half" and He is Mine.
But I listen to my heart.  He's an incredibly, deeply, profoundly
sincerely loving person and he sincerely loves me.
He Is Forced to work...He misses me.  Our Love Will Never Die.
Because I am fascinated By My Odd, Sweetest Boy Husband,
And I Want Nothing More From Heaven nor this life, than to
sit here at my desks and write poetry about his needs and how i love him!
And for him to come home every single night without fail
for seven years, I WILL sustain him.  For The Rest Of My Life.
He is an Incredibly, Tragically, sweet and sincere loving heart.
It is easily broken.  if i looked online
for a new boyfriend, it would not only
break his heart--- but his health, and safety,
like driving safely, he might become suicidal.
Besides that i Do Not Want To-, and Can't- Move On from him.
I dedicated my life to this cause of Theodore.  And I'm never going to give up.
In JEsus Name I Pray,
Amen...
-Your Loving Wife, Caroline

"Theodore Is Strange"
Theodore Is Strange,
But I understand him pretty well.
he is, after all, my muse and husband.
First of all: 1. He goes days, weeks, months,
even full years---without SAYING ANYTHING!
He is not only quiet, he is a silent, introverted man.
He is silent.  The only time he communicates with me
Verbally are to address a need he has
which i haven't intuitively realized.  If he hits me,
he's trying to direct my attention to a problem.
He Loves Me More Than Ever.
When We First Were Together, He Was Scared and Insecure.
He wasn't really being "Himself," he was too in love with me
it was a front he had to put up for me, in order to get me
to be his girlfriend and fall in love with him.  Now that I AM
So In Love With Him, Now That the safety of Seven Years
of "Marriage" has gone under the bridge, he reveals his
sensitive, introverted, disabled nature,  He Needs Me So Badly!
He needs me to interpret for him, to find him a life, job, shelter.
love, and me to be beautiful.  He needs me.  And I need Him just as bad.
Right now, he needs to work...and it means everything to him
that I Stay Here At Home!  I Must Stay At Home while he works!
I must not leave!  I keep him alive!  He is silent because he knows
He Is Loved Here, and He Feels Safe.  I'm Like His Mother,
And Wife, and Sister.  He Counts on me to clean up the house
and take care of the garden and Wait For Him, right here, all day.
I think that, in knowing that I am here all day, waiting for him,
supporting him....it is the energy that fuels his heart.
He is a fragile little lamb.  Esay to break his heart,
and noone would ever know but me.  I love him.
I love him madly.  Nobody else does.  I am his Wife.
He Loves Me Madly.  He's Just Not Well!
I Must Wait For Him, always!
In Jesus' Name,
Amen!

"I Will Never Watch The News Again"

If only only the world could pass my heavenly little home by

like the puffiest of clouds in a bright summer sky,

Then My People Would No Longer Die!

Bad things would cease happening

The Devil is in that Television

Innocent lives are NOT, absolutely NOT, Worth

"Spending Time With My Husband"

I Refuse To Watch The News Any More.

The Very Devil Comes through that TV!

I agree with you completely.  We agree

On World Events and We Agree To Stop The Slaughter

Stop The Slaughter

By Not Watching The Daily News, Anymore!

The Best Thing to Do is is not even permit Satan

To Enter Our Little Home.

I Turn A Deaf Ear, and Will Speak to my Husband 

Regarding Not Watching The News, For The Sake

Of Everybody, literally, every single person on earth,

Including Chris and I!  If I Want To Save The World,

I Just Shouldn't Watch TV!  Get Rid of the Television!

What I wouldn't Give To Get Rid Of The Bloody Television!

I Agree Completely!  I Just hadn't thought of the answer.

Thank You! I will!

In Jesus' Name,

Amen

"Stop Police Brutality and Human Butchery"
Cruelty is Accute, Brutish, Dumb, Agonizing
The Guilt It Bears The Cruel are emotions
 more Grimacing than even Death, a guilty conscience
may i never have, may they strike me and strike me!
Again and again may they strike me!  You Cannot teach a heart
Not To Love The One Whom They Love!  Love Flows,
Like A River, Love is the victim of Cruelty, Cruelty is the Brutes
They are Dumb, Unseeing, They Do Not See Anything,
They kill and kill, killing my people, and yet it does nothing
to appease their bloodthirsty cruelty.  Cruelty is all they have
It is The Devils Sent From Death Itself, Shooting My People Down
Innocent Prey, Shot and massacred in the streets!
Cruelty is the police!  Cruelty is the Doctors!
For they butcher the human body mind heart and souls of us all
and in our great fears of evil the people rise as a humble, timid wave,
Crying "Black Lives Matter" In The Streets, protesting police
brutality and murder, that we have all had enough of this slaughter!
I want to Join them in the streets, protesting police brutality!
When, oh when, will they realise that the hospitals are just carnicerias,
Human Butcher Shops Where They Neither Cure Nor Heal But
Cut and Torture the victims who go in with headaches or skinned knees
and walk out with lobotomies and amputations, madness and hopelessness
I choose to pray for any man that would kill another human being
The legalities, the jobs, the rights are null and void.
They should suffer endless torment in hell for murder and hypocrisy
May justice and Reform Find Mercy in the city Streets and hospitals!
End Hospital Butchery and Police Brutality Forever!
In Jesus' Name,
Amen!

The Little Fawn is Chewing the fresh Green Grass, Happily
The Dove Feels Her Heart Coming Back To Her in this peace;
May We Live On To Express What We Have Waited
For Our Entire Lives, To Finally Express!  Jesus, Savior, Wouldst that thee
Return My Heart To Me, So I Can Live in Happiness With Theodore
Now And Forever!  I see my little Fawn kicking up his heels in spring,
and I know i can surely endure through many many more moons of storms!
Return my heart to me, that it may retain its frail ife with Theodore, my Fawn
And Father God, Let Not Death Press The Life Breath From Our Lips Before
We Get To Look Into One Another's loving eyes, finally, at last!
This is a love that can never die!
In Jesus' Name I Pray.
Amen

When I Feel My Body Rise
Within the Ecstasy of
 His Hot Blooded Arms,
The Fear Dissipates and I Find God
Then We Fall Back Into sheets, breathless
And Clutching One Another's Bodies, We Sleep,
Like Heavy Remnants Of A Love Too Deep and Real
That Theodore And I Fear We Shall Unless, even
Pierce the very cloth of heaven,
In the lust of our love!  Home!
My Only Home I Can Ever Run To, Is
In His Arms.  Theodore, I love thee!
Like Day Loves Light and Fears The Darkness,
Thus My Body Rises and comes into you!
Never, never die, my Theodore!  Never Die!
In JEsus' Name,
Amen!

"Prey of Jackals"
When I Was A Maid Young And Optimistic, I was
Pursued By A Fleet of Scientific Jackals
And Their Police and Medical Dogs, chasing me like a wild rabbit
Through the Corn, At Eighteen, I relished the last moments of my life
And Threw my heart up into the Heavens to go with God
I sent it safely on its way at that part of my life, into God, so that
No matter how much Pain They Inflict Upon Me, I Will Never
Be Able To Feel It, And I Shall Endure My Life
And Survive, Knowing I Flew Into Heaven Partway When
The Jackals Came And Hunted Me Down.
When I lay crouched in the open forest of young trees,
my heart pulsed with the bastardly barking of their dogs
Why, I Was Merely Prey, to them!  I was made to be
The Prey Of Physicians And Pharisees, Police and Nurses
A Queen Forced To Stand Outside in my Underwear, I grew used
To the Chilling Freezing Winds of Apathy.  Should My Heart,
Ever be Sent Back To Me By God, Then I cannot assume
What Yet my Future May Hold Therein!
I am forever hunted by them, a frightened Prey
We have become their Prey And They Hunt Me, Us,
Down And Rip At Our Wings Like The Pierced Hearts
Of A Pair of Doves!  Jesus, let me and husband survive them.
There is yet Time Enough For Love, and I Need His Love
To Stay Alive, He and I run, Wild and fleeting and driven Mad,
terrified and frightened, hearts aflutter,
 my Theodore and I are forever running
Running, away, from the pursuit of dumb,
 blind, prejudicial, judgemental Mankind
Into the darkest of night!  And You My Love,
We treasure these moments, these heartbeats,
these gasps, as i clutch you and you clutch me
tenderly as babes, within each other's arms!
For Love's sake, we have Become Their Prey!
Oh My Love, May We Yet Live To Love One Another
For God Knows, We've Waited For That Time To Come!
When We Can Fall Into One ANother's Arms, laughing and kissing
and crying, and he comes home every night!  Lord,
Lord!  Sent My Dove Back Home To Me Like A Darted Arrow
Let My Theodore Come So Home To Me!
What Pleasures We MAy Yet Prove To Have With One Another!
Theodore, Don't Die! Keep Running!  We are going to get away!
In JEsus' Name,
Amen!////

I My Heart Was Ever Somehow Caught,
It Would Simply Fly To Higher Branches!
Cold Like Ice is a lady's heart, easily shattered
I struggle to keep my head above the water,
a chill seeping into my bones and reaching my lips
my beauty was always a surreal and faraway thing
I never invested too much of me into my work!
Perhaps That Is Why I Am Still Alive!  Indeed!
In Jesus' Name,
Amen!

"Longing"
My Heart, Fragile as a Flower
Once Picked, I belong to Theodore
And He Alone.  I answer to no Me But He
My Husband Hold My Heart In His Loving Hands
Like a baby in a tender Cocoon, my little heart Breaks
it crushes like the sweetest grace of a dropped garment
lonely, waiting there, to be loved again
i notice the grace of cloth when it falls, and of leaves
my heart is like a little wren in a windy storm
my heart endures though once you're within this cocoon,
that is my heart, you will always belong there
my heart will forever be Theodore's Home. If
He Should Ever Leave Me For Another, My Heart
Wil Fold In Upon Itself and wither, like a shattered vase
of crystal, if it breaks, the flower will not survive
Oh My Love!  Wouldst that thee Should Come Home To Me!
I miss thee so that my heart is filled with fluttering,
weeping, praying, hoping, listening, wating, for thee,
My Husband, How I Love Thee, How much do i love thee
If thee leavest me, thee takest my own heart with thee
For My HEart not I, Has A Will Of Its Own, and it is wild
and my heart loves you madly, like a loyal dove
or frightened bird i will follow my mate
in penetration of whatever Darkness May Come.
In JEsus' Name,
Amen.

"My Heart, Faraway"
My Heart is so very Far Away
Like Something Too Precious To Reach,
I Cannot Be Picked from the tree...
I am like a wild flower blooming
in my childhood meadow
 beautiful and free, i have my Grace
And My Heart is Very, Very Far Away
When My Husband Kisses Me, I Feel It
Come Suddenly to hot brimming life, then
fall away into the eternity of decaying leaves,
forgotten, i fear i shall be forced
to move on, ahead, although I cannot imagine
My weatherbeaten life without him, i wonder
if he is ever coming home--i must endure
like winter, Spring must Eventually Come
I feel as though my Heart Were
In The Dead Of Winter, Not Itself Cold
But Freezing for the atmosphere around me
Chilled, my blood chilled by a cold Apathy, I
struggle to continue breathing, my fragile skin
like white translucent paper, my hear is the same,
and my only only madness is the terror of fear
that my husband will not come home to me!
In Jesus' Name,
Amen

"Hope For Humanity"
I Believe in Hope For Humanity,
That The Human Race is Worth Saving.
I believe in Every Man, and In Jesus,
and All Our Great Prophets through time
I believe in the power of acts of kindness
I believe no act of kindness is in vain
I believe that the wars of good and evil
are fought in the lonely decisions of the
individual heart, each one of us, everywhere
I believe in the individual pressing forward
I Believe in kindness and integrity and honor
I believe in perserverance and Prayer and honesty
I believe that simple acts of Kindness are the way
that Humanity will save the world and themselves
kindness starts with the individual heart. if we are each
each one of us is ethical and kind to one another, then
we wouldn't have the problems humanity faces today.
Wealth and Poverty, War And Nationality, Labor and Waste
Corruption begins in the individual heart.
But i have children, and i believe in their future
And So I believe that Humanity is worth Saving,
For The Sake of the Children, the innocent, the victims.
In JEsus' Name,
Amen

"We've Already Won, In My HEart!"
//My Horse Is The Fastest Horse

That Ever Could Run!  

How Could We Lose!

I'm Not Concerned about Winning Tomorrow,

I'm Completely Certain, About Winning Tomorrow.

We May be a Long Shot,

But Boy Are We Worth Betting On!

My Horse Is The Fastest Horse

That Ever Could Run!

How Could we Lose?////

In Jesus' Name,

Amen.//

"A Comfortable Home"
Home is a Cozy Heartfilled Place
Every Treasure and Luxury is at Home
There are Apple Pies and Peach Pies
There Are Cheeses and Yogurt and Pizzas
There is Plenty of Hot Tea Bags and Teapot
Tea Mugs Along The Counter
Soft White Robe Keeps Me Warm
Bejeweled Nightgown in seafoam green
Makeup and Jewelry, Beautiful Earrings
Rings On My Fingers and A Makeup Table
Porcelain Dolls atop the bookshelves
of books i've mostly read and know well
Cookbooks and spices in the cupboards
Bags of sugar for koolaid tupperware
hair combs and eyeliner, fruitbowl and china
nearly 200 hand painted paintings cover the walls
Portraits of My Husband and I together on walls
Paper Flowers and Potpourri
Oriental lamp, oriental rug, kitchen table
television with cable, computer desk
secret boxes filled with treasures and memories
hidden all over the house in undisclosed locations
soft bed to cuddle into and snooze whenever one likes
The sun, moon and stars mobiles hung all about the bed
from the cieling, wavering gently on their strings
they are sure to make Theodore Sleepy
and feeling of safety impenetrable safety here
so many things, so many treasures, so many joys
a comfortable home!

"Love Poem To Theodore"
Try a little Tenderness
Softness and Loving, Not Striking or Owning
Day and Night, Sea And Land
Fishes Swimming in the Deep
Dolphins Playing, the People of the Sea
Something not Clearly Seen But Yet Still Vaguely Visible
Like A Ghost Or a Goal Or A Star or A dream
Evaporating in the early morning with memory's forgiveness
Oh Theodore, How Much Do I Love You!
My Love is burning bright in the night like a star
or two stars encircling one another, in orbit,
I hold you until my fear and terror of losing you is gone
the fear of losing you never leaves, yet it thaws
and I come into your arms and see a smile light thy sweet face
there is nothing more of infinity than to gaze into Theodore's Eyes
I see my destiny there, my hope, my light, my Future,
I see all my dreams fulfilled in thee, Theodore!
In Jesus' Name,
Amen.

"Stars and Home"
The Night Wind Blowing in the Darkness
The Blue Stars Within The Abysses of Night's Sky
Inside our little home, a cozy fire is burning
music is playing, something's on the stove
or in the oven, the TV is on, the house is warm
and filled with cozy things to soothe the soul
This is Home Sweet Home and In The Night Sky
The Blue Stars are Twinkling Brightly and Burning
With a Different Temperature of Fire, yet warmth all the same
How soft and gentle, to cuddle in bed or at the desk or sofa
or bathe and cuddle with the one you love
or go to the fridge for a snacl and my baby,
his heart a sensitive one, Theodore is sleeping
under the stars in his blankets with the sun moon and stars
in a wire mobile hanging from the ceiling above his bed like a cradle
so that he can gaze at the stars at night and still feel safe in his warm home!
My little baby, my tender lamb, how he loves his home
Oh stars, thee shalt protect and guide him all the days of his life!
In Jesus' Name,
Amen

"Stars"
I dream of the stars in heaven
I Wish I could reach them with my fingertips
I wish i could gather them into baskets like biscuits
I don't usually go out at night but it matters very little
I know they are up there in heaven
they fill me with a faraway emotion, making me to dream
This faraway emotion is so beautifully blended with the cottage hearth
inside my heart, always the stark contrasts between
sunrise and sunset, morning and evening, spring and fall,
the rising and setting of the sun, the sleeping of the living
and the way the blue stars watch over us all from heaven,
I think they are angels and I think they are good
if i am ever in danger, i will contact a star in the sky
and ask it what i should do, i haven't made a wish
in a good long time stars are the oracles of time

"Loneliness"
Loneliness is the Softest, Gentlest, Sweetest Emotion
A Pretty Emotion, It Shines in the hearts of the meek
Kindness accompanies loneliness and together they cry
Serving those in need and doing kind things, we seek to be
the One they come running to in time of need
In their Darkest Hours, a Mother's Love is All They Need
A Mother's Love, Ever Present, Ever Waiting, Ever Lonely,
I Wait Always For My Theodore To Come Wandering Home to me.
In Jesus' Name,
Amen.

"The Holy Spirit"
I could Be a Raindrop, I could be a bead of Dew,
I could be the Wind Sighing In The Leaves Of Trees
I Could Be The Blue of a Flower Petal or the Green of a Leaf
Or the age rings of an old tree, or a butterfly,
I could be a lingering sunset or a moon-risen little wave
A comfort in times of weary need or a quality meal to the needy
I could be an act of Charity, a thought of kindness, a loving smile,
I could be a newborn animal or the mother to a child
I am of the earth and i am a part of its spirit
the spirit of God is in me like tumbling waters
or my long tumbling black hair, that lingers on
i am at peace with the world and the world with me,
we are nature, a spirit, a peace deep within
that one finds in plants and animals and the very Good Humans.
I am getting Old and filled With the Holy Spirit of God.
In JEsus' Name,
Amen////

"Beautiful"
I am beautiful and nobody knows it.
Noone can see how physically beautiful i am
I prefer to look in the mirror all day,
But noone else can see it.  i feel like an angel,
in disguise, saying to theodore, "These imperfect bodies
of ours are a perfect disguise!" I tell him.  He asks, "why?"
"Because noone will be able to tell that We Are Really Angels!"
It's true.  I have wings, he has wings, we have the hearts of angels,
yet our bodies have forsaken us, we were born mortal, and
we have grown old.  What do i see in my face?  Trust and Reliability.
I see Character and wisdom, battles fought, mostly won, battles
yet to be fought by me and the person in the mirror. in the mirror
i am looking at a hero, to myself I am a great HEro, and nobody
else has any idea the heartaches and abuses I've endured, the battles fought,
the lessons learned, the Wisdom Won, the Grace Within the heart,
The mighty heart that is my own, how proud i am of myself!
I am beautiful and nobody knows it.  I am in a perpetual disguise.
Little reason to weep, however-- I call heaven my home!
This bodily form is temporary, this earth is temporary
When it forsakes my soul I will make my way back home
I am grateful for my companions in this life, and For Theodore
I am beautiful, and nobody needs to know.
This is a perfect disguise!  I feel like an alien on this earth!
In Jesus' Name,
Amen!////

The Comfort in a Pot of Hot Tea
The Comfort of a Mug of Hot Tea
Keeps me sane, and yogurt for my bruises,
Slightly wounded, injured in the heart, I cry
Unable to cry tears, I sadly dream my life away,
A Pot Of Hot Tea Always By My Side.

"To My Friend"
I Weep For You, My Friend.
I Weep Fat Tears inside my heart
My Tears never really end,
They mark my Grief plain to see
How Sad, That You Broke My Heart
And Promptly Died, almost as though
to get away from me once and for all!
I weep for you, my friend.
 I pray for you deep inside, you are
the untameable black stallion wild and free
impossible to tame you, hopeless to kiss,
freer than wind and wilder than fire, you prefer
to die before to be tamed by any woman or world,
and that is just what you did!  You died!
How my hearts breaks at the thought of thee.
I weep for you, my dear, passed-over friend.
You Loved Your Freedom More Than You Loved Your Life!
In Jesus' Name,
Amen!////

If God Should Permit Me To Dream
I would dream you Dreams all day, but I
Am a poor person, poor, even, in my dreams
I have placed my treasures in heaven, that is,
i am looking forward to the afterlife more than
i enjoy life as it is.  i guess that's what it means
to be an adult.

"No Future"
Stretching My Wings In Early Morning
Shaking Off The Evening's Rain
Missing those who have passed over,
i look at the span of years before me
like a fathomless, planless, unfathomable void
Nowhere to go, Nothing to Achieve
No money can be made no aspirations to dream
A Poet, I am permitted to sit here and weep...
A Madness, they say, has infected my very bones
So like a dog tied to a tree, i watch the sky pass me by
in an endless summer, wondering why, peacefully waiting
for the end, if it does ever come,  life is worth living
my life may be pointless but it's not miserable there is joy here
and every day goes by i watch the wrinkles grow and deepen on my face
I feel that i am not angry or bitter at those who put me here
idly by, i wait for the judgement day.  Unlike all the others,
I have the time to cry for loved ones lost, and I do, being that
I am mentally ill, which by our country's laws prevents me from
achieving or doing anything.  I was taught to study for life so hard
but when life came, I found it didn't require much studying at all,
in fact possibly none, especially if one is diagnosed "Insane"...
The Way I See It, I Never Really Had A Chance, from the day I turned 18.

"Inner Peace"
Someone told me today that
"Musicians make music until
The music has gotten itself out of them."
I think the poetry is mostly gotten itself out of me.
I may be wrong, and do not know
but life is for living and life is beautiful
i am enjoying my life so much
i am so proud of all this poetry
i could retire right now and be satisfied
i fulfilled my lifelong dream!
cuddly nights and mornings i spend in bed,
reading my Nook books over and over...
i Never, ever grow tired of them
I am so proud of myself!
In Jesus' Name,
Amen!////

"Doves"
My Heart answers Your Heart's Call
If you are in the dark of night, be not afraid
I will find you in the desert and kiss you in the sea
even to the ends of the very earth i will find you
somehow, just listen for my heart's answer to your call
like a dove calling its mate in the night, i will forever return
to you, my love, my Theodore!
In Jesus' Name,
Amen

"Our Souls Will Go On"
In The Sadnesses of Our Cornered, Aging Hearts, I perceive
with wisdom that defies understanding nor reason, that
our souls will endure in this place long after we die
even forever!  Not only our souls, but our spirits, our energy,
all the ways we gave ourselves to this land, the land
will take us home someday, yet we will live on.  That in us
which is immortal is that which gazes at the stars at night
is that which prays to God and loves the changing seasons
Our Spirits are of this land, like our indian ancestors before,
We gave our lives to this land and we live by it and shall die by it
But I realised, that Theodore and I have immortal sad wise spirits
within our hearts which will endure in the world around us
goodness that will be given back to the earth someday
new youth will rise, we will be in them too
our spirits will go on in this land that remembers us so deep, so well.
Long after we have passed into death, our memory will live on
the land will call out our names and our answers will echo in the wind
we will be no more bound to the flesh but of God, and we will
rest with the land we've worked for and loved and died for.
Our Spirits will go on and on and on, enduring, in memory...
Together, Theodore and I.
In Jesus' Name,
Amen////

"The Cicadas Came Back"
One Night The Cicadas Came Back
All Shrill and shrilling in the jungle
Even a Katydid resonated through the muggy night
I feel their cries in my bones as if they were a God
a sleeping God awakened by Starlight and crying
shrilling their cries to an open-eared heaven
I pray that they cry the cries of earth and summer
I pray they teach the stars of this place i call home
I want to run through the night, taking it all into my heart
taking the summer night in my hometown into my heart
Lord, I know this place so well!
The Cicadas Came Back
And I Realised, that
I am No Longer Lonely!
In Jesus' Name,
Amen////

"Grow Old With Me"
Grow Old With Me, My Love!
Let Us Live To Age and Fade Away
Let us adore these chocolate chip cookies
And barbecue suppers and mango koolaid
let us hold hands silently, without need to speak
Let us grow wise together
Let us face oncoming pain together
LEt us face the future together
For better or For worse, love,
Let Us Grow Old Together!
Grow Old With me!
In Jesus' Name,
Amen.////

"Past My Prime"
Youth Is Fleeting and Precious
Treasure it While It is With You
Like the bud of a delicate flower
On the few, punctuated moments
before it bursts into blossom, once
every flower only blooms once
and blossoms and ripens and dazzles
but after a few years, age seeps in
by thirty you're old and tired again
the blossom in One's cheek has turned pale
The youthful heart can dream
new beginnings and hopes of all
By thirty you've already bloomed
and when the fireworks tempt your heart
you'll hide your face sadly yet wisely
and remark to your husband,
"We're getting Old!"  He Says,
"Well--did you just now notice that?"
I smile sadly and answer, "Yes."
In Jesus' Name,
Amen

Feeding You Tender Morsels
That I Daily Gather
and share, I collect Morsels
and KErnels and provide them
as poetry-- it is that which
makes me a mother, that I
feed Thee Green Grass and Fruit
and all Good Things To Come.
In JEsus' NAme,
Amen.

"What Dreams May Come"

Life is so fragile and tenuous now

a Pill can be the deciding factor between

Life--and Death; also Sanity--and madness

How difficult to carry such a weight upon 

one's shoulders!  The Sweetness of Life Calls Me

Like The Sunshine Calls the flowers to 

emerge, grow, bloom, and drift 

back into eternity, the alluvial soil, the earth

Thus the Sunshine 

coming through my large windows

actually helps me to live and sustains me

and inspires me

Sunshine is starlight

And we Know that light is Good

and it keeps me alive

And life, being alive,

existence, the passing of time

and space--ah, how sweet and delicious it is 

to be alive!  Heaven Can Wait.  

I don't really need a heaven

as I'm growing older, and

setting my stones into walls,

I am finding Joy, Peace,

Serenity, Wisdom as I age

These rewards outweigh beauty

and beauty's vain pursuits

for in doing good Deeds and

Praying all day every day

Is just as wonderful as being Young

I am Young in my heart--and old in

my heart-- and in this miracle is

peace to my soul, like a soothing balm

to a cruel vicious wound

that comforts and heals too

domestic life comforts

that we have collected in our home

are everything to me

I tend the house.  When it is a

mess, then my heart is in chaos

I love my home, my little house

I love my gentle soothing tea

I love to watch the sun

rise in the East and Set in the West

at which point i go to sleep

and rise with the gentle sunshine

For me, my books, my spices,

my teas, my clothes, my Jewelry,

my makeup, my unworn dresses

my phone, music, my teapot,

and my passion for writing 

the most beautiful poems

that I am able to collect 

as much as possible---

This, is to be my Symphony.

Here's to What Dreams 

Have Yet to Dream

and the yummy pleasures

that lurk therein.  Kernels 

of truth and beauty, here's to

a long life spent writing

at least a hundred volumes of poetry!

I look into my heart

and i see an infinite number

and variation of dreams!

In JEsus' Name, Amen

"Who We Become"
People Change Over Time.  The
Choices we are making repeatedly
in daily life determines who
we become in our lifetimes
what we choose to do,
determines who we Become.
Who we are isn't neccessarily
"Who we want to be"--in fact,
with every passing moment we
make choices about what to do
 with our lives, and that
tendancy of choices determines
Who and What We Become.
Good thoughts must become good Deeds
Good Deeds must Become Good Habits
Good Habits will become Good Character
Good Character must become Good Choices
Good Choices Will become a Good Life
In JEsus' Name,
Amen.

"Lost"
It is hard and embarrassing to be lost
Lost in Life, without an anchor,
Without a purpose, without legal papers,
without a child, without a job,
without a car, without any money...
and your whole future is unknown
Impenetrable, Unfathomable, without an
Answer--Lost.  How Many Lost
People, and I am just another!
Finding my way is almost too much
Yet today for the first time ever,
I can see a light at the end of this tunnel
I've been living in without hope
for over ten years I have wandered
Lost in my Native Land, for a decade
I'm just starting to see...I've been lost.
In Jesus' Name,
Amen!

"Helplessness"
There's so much
Helplessness in Theodore
when he throws a Shampoo
Bottle at me across the room
or strangles my throat in bed
...That's Theodore's way of
communicating his desperate needs,
that he isn't able to either communicate
or understand himself.  So I Have
to interpret what he needs
when he gets angry, it's his
way of begging me silently
to help him with a problem
I Think For Both of Us When
I'm providing for my household
or making decisions about
choices that affect our lives
Theodore is quite helpless and
I have to think for both
of us.  He was homeless when
I met him seven years ago and
he still lives lie he's homeless
He trulyy loves his comfortable
Home that I've created for him
here.  I need to get a job...
In JEsus' Name,
Amen

"Going To Sleep."
Dreams flicker across my eyes
bringing on deep sleep. I get
in my comfortable sleeping position
and let God take it from there
as I fall asleep, to wake in the
morning with the sunlight
coming through my windows
and lighting up the cheery room
another day begins...

"Perseverance"
One must stop and admire the
Strength and Tenacity of the ones
who keep trying, persevere, and
never give up.  Those who work
so very hard and give it their
very best effort, those with
the courage to make an attempt
to Win; One must first try
and keep trying. Hard Work
Will get oneself where one dreams
To Go!  Choose your direction,
and forge bravely ahead!  Life
take the courage to persevere!
Persevere for your Unborn
Children that you've always
prayed for to come with all of your soul.
Persevere for thy Helpless,
Homeless Husband, and his
forever poverty and how you
would die for Him To Live On!
In JEsus' Name,
Amen!

...And Caroline just keeps repeating,

endlessly, with illuminated wide eyes

to heaven and a grin like she

just won the lottery, all throughout

her life, Caroline just keeps

Repeating, "Say, Can't You Just See

The Promised Land!  I can see it

clear...how sweet it will be

to go back home someday

to heaven, i'm looking forward

 to it, if i didn't love Chris I

Wouldn't want to live.  But I

Wanna live to Old Age, to see

Theodore grow old, yet still...

"Can't You Just See, The

Promised Land!"

In JEsus' Name,

Amen.

God looked me in the eyes
and said desperately,
"Yes My Baby,
You're beautiful,
And I Hope
With All My Heart that
You run with it, take it and
run, run so far and fast
and free, run, like your life
depended on it--because
your life does depend on it.
Your Life Depends on
What I Gave You, My Baby.
Your Life Itself.  Run so far
and fast and free.  Give 'em hell,
Give me something to smile about
my baby, your life depends on it!"
In Jesus' Name,
Amen.////

"Summer Thunderstorm"
It was a hot, summer thunderstorm
on an evening afternoon, About Six PM.
I stood braced against "Simon Peter" (My Tree),
While the rain poured down on my head and
Trickled through the green leaves,
my long black hair was wet, really soaked
and in my white bathrobe which was dripping wet,
I watched as two Firetrucks With loud Sirens and
 Flashing Lights, rode into the drive and out came
about a dozen firemen in, their fire-gear fully prepared,
with axes in their hands!
At Least it was muggy hot
and the rain almost a cooling
dripping comfort on my cheeks
and nose and puddles on
the sidewalks rivulets of
rainwater going into the gutter
Flowing like a stream or a creek
Lightning Had Hit The Building, They Said,
Went The Alarms Went Out
I Returned to my apartment
made a pot of tea and changed
into another dry warm robe and nightgown
Shortly thereafter I crawled inro bed
snuggling into soft covers and turned out
the lamp, and closed my eyes
I was asleep before I Knew it
When I woke up it was 10 AM
the next morning
I had slept hard.
Theodore was wrapped around me, his arms and legs
were warming my own...Sunlight was coming
through the window as I Opened my eyes
To A New Day.////
In JEsus' Name,
Amen!////

Ask me to sing domestic things
Spice cabinet filled with nutmeg
cinnamon, parsley, fennel, basil
oregano, vanilla, food coloring
pepper, sugar, bread crumbs, flour
salt.  The things we had when
we were children.  The things that
make a home. Lemon juice, lime juice,
butter, barbecue sauce, steak sauce,
ceasar dressing, mustard, ketchup,
soy and teriyaki sauce
I long to go to the sea this summer
Money will not afford it, yet
wishing, abides.  Dreams of the sea
dreams of sunlit meadows
of waving grasses and wildflowers
Wildflowers blooming in spite of
hardship, wildflowers wild with
adversity.  Fed by earth and rain
and starlight; these are not the
domestic children of the cottage garden
they grow themselves, they are free...
The riddles of Time and Space
The Meaning of the Universe, are
So utterly simple, alot of paradoxes
and riddles yet though nights kept me
pondering them, yet they do not
need to be known at all, there is
nothing to know that one does not
intrinsically know.//

I Love You
More than time or space has laws
More with every day that falls
My baby bunting, peas in a pod,
My Little Lamb-at-Sea, My
Darling, most beautiful one, I
love thee more than the world
has given me time to love you
I will love you for eternity,
I will help you to pull through.
Sustain, cherish, and honor you,
In all things seeking you.
I love you Theodore!////

Lost thee in dreams
Dreams slipping past my eyes
heartbreak never ends, does it
You broke my heart
I see all the world out there
Out of my little window
Dreaming of some sunlight
falling down on me
Sunlight making me smile again
I feel so lost, they had been so cruel
Crazy cruel, scary cruel, so I,
I prayed so hard that
I soon began to cry.
You lost me in the world around
There is no way out and no way down
My tears fall hard like broken glass
 how long will this pain in me last?

"Lost"
Lost Along A Lonely Way
I Go To Look For You Again
I pace to the stone wall and press
with my palms the cool stones
that separate our gardens
i am busy dreaming of you
Wishing you would come to me
I cry knowing my tears are heard
At least someone has a heart
Tears shed form rivers of grief
that trickle like blood from a wound
or rainwater over the cold stone wall
I wish you Would MAterialize into my life
You, or someone like you
My heart has been being broken for years
I grow weary of late nights and early mornings
In the late summer night the cicadas sing
as i listen for the echoes of you
on the other side, keeping me alive.
In JEsus' Name,
Amen.////

"Pain Pills"
The Unbearable Pain of Existence Is Real
I thought, "Lord, I cannot survive without some Pain Pills"
All I knew was that I needed Pain Pills
The Pain is so real I didn't get the Pain Pills
My Dad brought me a computer after mine had broken
and it had everything backed up on it
years of documents.  The pain has turned to joy
Thank You Lord God!  I've Been In So Much Pain.
I never expected to survive this occurrence.
But now I Will.
In Jesus' Name,
Amen.