"I've Been Through Hell and I'm Terminally Ill"
I have been through hell and I'm Terminally ill.
The sad thing is, that i didn't know I would have a short life
Until a few weeks ago, when I was doing some research
About Schizophrenia...But I'm Fine.  My Faith In God
Is Greater Than any damning terminal statistics, because
GOD Is a miracle worker, and this awareness of my sooner death
is, to me, like a "Grace Period", between the rest of my life
and the day God Takes me Out Of This World, and I Go To HEaven
because I want to take this "Grace Period, this fifteen or so years I have to live,
(and i may yet live into my seventies, says my doctor, Im 31)
but I want to take Gods Grace Period, the remainder of my life, and
do something, alot of things, to become a better person, and do good deeds
I don't want to enjoy my life any more than I already do, I don't really do "Fun"
But Charity and Poetry And Family And Love And Kindness and Ethics and Courage--
That is everything to me.  Of Course I am not suicidal!
On The Contrary, I am trying to adjust my meds to maximize and lengthen my life
as long as possible.  I think all that time I have wanted to kill myself recently
Just Literally Flew Out The Window When I Was Blown Away By The Facts of
Schizophrenia... You see, schizophrenics, the ones that don't kill themselves,
are statistically twice as likely to die of heart diseases and cancer, diabetes, deadly diseases
Not only that, but schizophrenics Die, staticically,
 an average of 25 YEARS EARLIER Than The Average Life!  I cant expect to live past sixty.
I'll probably die around age 45....but it isn't going to be suicide
I am a fighter, In case my readers don't know my prior writings
God is merciful and God Is Morking Miracles In My Life.
There's nothing more inspiring than seeing your life as a "Grace Period",
your second chance to do EVEN MORE GOOD unto others, to love more,
To enjoy life more, to be kinder, to savor the five senses, to enjoy my beauty
...Also, Of course, i intend to continue writing poetry daily.
The prognosis of an early death blew my mind for a week or two.
There were some tears I cried that felt like Jagged Glass
Falling From My Broken Eyes, and I felt hopeless, and I couldn't write.
But The Test Of True Courage Is To Get Up and Preach On!
I have so much more to say as I learn to treasure my brief lifespan
You never know when satan is going to attack
God is Working a miracle In My Life.  He is making me
"An Instrument of His PEace", I am glad this happened to me
and not someone who is afraid to die!  I look forward
to the Judgement Day....
 Thinking about Being Judged In Heaven, Makes Me Smile.
God couldn't have given this cross to bear to a kinder, braver person.
In short....
I'm doing fine!  Will continue to write every day, maybe even more often.
There's so much to do with this Grace Period,
I really need to reach some conclusions through poetry!
I'm fine!
In Jesus' Name,
Amen