"Theodore Adores The Violence In Me"
Theodore adores the violence in me. it makes him feel safe
because i am incredibly protective over him and he is like a baby
helpless, homeless, penniless, he can't live on his own. he is attracted to my temper.
I just wish he wouldn't push my buttons purely out of fun, like a child.
He does it because he trusts my self control i've never hit him in eight years.
But Sometimes the pain and frustration makes me want to scream
Oh, how many times i have repressed the urge
 to Punch Theodore in the Face so hard he stopped hurting me!
Pain is not "supposed" to be disclosed but i feel alot of pain
things aren't perfect anymore
i am not perfect anymore i am changed i am weary and frustrated
I have a temper and it goes off and I have to repress the urge to fight back
For Jesus, I will turn the other cheek.  But It doesn't make
ME feel any better inside. I'm like, "hit me again." "Hit me again."
i have never hit my husband back i turn the other cheek when he hurts me
it makes him feel better to abuse me he takes his anger out on me
but what he does not realize is that i am a dormant volcano/
Dormant, but completley active.  He doesn't know that when he taunts me,
I choose to ignore him.  For His Sake.  And Mine.  Because I Love him.
I love him but I am sick of him treating me like an unworthy servant
I decided to ignore him years ago.  We're married, and that's for life.
The only way to make problems go away is to repress them until they abate.
Anger goes away with medication.  He is married to a psychotic schizophrenic poet!
I can't make this any better and it better not get any worse.
It isn't my fault.  It. Isn't. My. Fault.-------
I'm sorry.  a happy child id dancing on the rim of my angry volcano
And if it weren't for jesus, i wouldn't have stayed so calm and reliable.
he thinks im reliable.  sometimes i don't feel so reliable.
even in my madness he trusts me.  Even when my mind is gone
I feel like a tiger in a cage when he taunts me, a tiger, and
I built the cage myself, out of my protective love for him.
It's my way of preventing myself from being violent or dangerous.
I love THeodore.  HE trusts me.  He Knows Me. He Adores Me. He needs me.
I just have to be strong when the rage fills my eyes with the color of blood
and my heart beats really hard, and i bite my lip to keep the words back.
He really loves me........I'm lucky to have him!  HE likes danger.
In JEsus' Name,
Amen