"My Personal Testimony of Jesus Christ:"
"On Jesus Christ Versus The Pursuit of Wealth and High Places"
I came from a failry wealthy family
I never lacked anything as a child
and there often an excess of everything
so much so, that i assume i was spoiled
but i had every comfort, and money
was a thing to be invested in the future,
not something to spend in times of need.

Well i turned eighteen, an adult, and my parents
turned me out of the house with a hundred thousand
dollars in a bank account and told me
they were divorcing and moving far away, that
i was left on my own to pursue my own self-preservation
and "self-interests"  I did Not Know What it Was
To Be Poor, Then, And I didn't Imagine nor fear
That I Ever Would Know poverty or need.

So how did i spend my money?  On my education.
I went to college for seven years on that money,
majoring in English and Literarure.  I learned many
things, for i was apparently a better student than
others, for i loved to learn, and i sought dearly
to become a scribe--an attorney; or a pharisee-- a Doctorate.
I worked very hard in school andfor all that money
despite some loose living and speding for comfort meanwhile--
but i became educated.  Educated!  I am very proud
to have spent my money on my college education.

although now, being poor, i admit i would have spent
 that huge sum of money on a litetime of rent money and groceries.
It was enough.  But coming from a rich family, i did not
even fear that i should ever be in need or want or lack thereof.

When I graduated College, i had by that time been deemed
mentally ill, and disabled, which i didn't know it but that means
that I could never hold a job nor fulfill my scribe and pharisee dreams
then, gradually, as money diminished, i was finally left
with nothing, and having no car, nor money, i did not know
what to do.  But----

BUT, I WAS A CHRISTIAN.  (Amen.)  And the Lord
Provided month after month but after a year or so alone
 i came to know hunger and lack and poverty and need of
healing and ragged clothing and the need to pay the rent
and the groceries.  But for some reason, i wasn't afraid.
Maybe it was that my parents agreed to pay the rent and
grocieries indefinitly, on the Utmost Condition and Rule:
That I Was NEver To Marry Nor Have Children, Or Else
if i did, i would be instantly homeless because my family
would disown me emotionally and financially.  This family rule
applies today some six years later, and i remain unmarried and childless.

YET Six years ago, I met my soulmate Theodore, and he was,
By the Grace Of God, allowed to move in with me.
We are still not legally married, but we have lived as though
we Were and are, for the last six years.  More Joy I have Known
with my husband theodore than i i ever could have imagined,
and i became a proliic poet and painter out of the overbrimming
of my joy and heart!  Indeed, love has fueld these verses, and all to
come.  If i was hungry, yet i was at peace; if i was less in status, yet i was happy,
if i was overweight, yet i was beautiful, if i was looked down upon, yet i was beloved by Theodore.

Now Jesus said "It is harder For a Camel to go through the Eye of a needle, than for
a rich man to enter the kingdom of God,"  They Asked JEsus, "But
Lord, Who Then Can Be Saved?"
I have personally meditated all day on this scripture from Matthew
and i have reasoned within my heart that
 WEALTH and STATUS ARE BAD.
 That money and power is the road to hell.  So Then I
Asked myself why, why?  Why had i all my life sought to Be Rich
and Esteemed And Powerful and Respectable???? WHY?  Tis madness.
For it states again and AGAIN in the the scriptures, the beatitudes, etc,
that the poor are blessed and theirs Is The Kingdom Of God.

Today i gave thanks that i am not poor, that God Provides
Although there are sacrifices, with God all things are Possible,
and In Short I HAve Great Faith In God The Will
Provide For ME All Of My Life, that i take life
One day at a time, and that i spend my efforts in
NOT ON SEEKING MONEY, BUT THE KINGDOM OF GOD.
I reason this is what jesus wants, and it give me peace in my heart.
No More Will I Strive For Wealth or Esteem or High Place.
In JEsus' Name,
Amen.
Caroline E. Sullivan Land, February 10, 2015.